Thread: Hearts In Pain

Originally Posted by chrystalann2004

Hearts in pain

You can scene your love is in pain.
Within few minutes you fall to the floor,
with pain so intense that you can hardly breathe.
As the pain in your chest intensify every few second
ten fold.

You cry out for help,
but no one is there.
All you want is too be held tightly,
and you want hear you are going to okay.
The pain will pass.

You want to help your loved one out,
so you ask what can I do to help you though this?
All that your love one says is "Forget about it.",
you ask but "Why?"
And your love one replies to you,
"It not your problem just forget about it."
Although you say okay you can't forget about it as it sits on your mind.
But you still put your trust in your loved one words.
Finally you are starting to calm down,
and the pain in your chest lightens up at last.

As you listen to your loved ones heart beating.
Now content and feeling safe,
in the arms of the one you love,
you start too drift a sleep in your loved ones arms at last.

the phrases highlightd are ones that might want to be changed! lol either way nice job I felt that and if I was standing would have fell to the floor with you! lol anyways verry deep and great job keep up the work.

So sad, i am teering up! *tears* that was good, great job! Keep up the good work! I cant wait to see more!

thank you to the both of you for
commenting
and glad you like it
so thanks agian

This is a very good poem... hmm.. very strong.. but it's too formal... ^^ so the emotion in this poem is not too flourishing... try more uses of words and methaphores... and suchs ^^

still... it's a good poem keep up the good work...

thank you for the feed back
and i try to use more words and such
in the next one
i am glad you like it
thanks again