Hearts in pain
You can scene your love is in pain.
Within few minutes you fall to the floor,
with pain so intense that you can hardly breathe.
And the pain in your chest intensify every few second
by ten fold.
You cry out for help,
but no one is there.
All you want is too be held tightly,
and all you want hear you are going to okay.
The pain will pass.
You want to help your loved one out,
so you ask what can I do to help you though this?
All that your loved ones says is "forget about it",
you ask but why?
And your love one replies to you,
"it not your problem just forget about it".
Although you sat okay you can't forget about it as it sits on your mind.
But you still put your trust in your love one words.
Finally you are starting to calm down,
and the pain in your chest lighten up at last.
As you listen to your loved one heart beating.
Now content and feeling safe,
in the arms of the one you love,
and start too drift a sleep in your loved one arms at last.
Last edited by chrystalann2004; Nov 13, 2007 at 11:14 AM. Reason: some new sugustion where to better this poem
Keep what you hold dear close for one day they may be gone forever!
Make one person smile for it will continue to spread but if you make a frown that will spread as well.http://www.animeonline.net/gallery/s...0/ppuser/57173
So sad, i am teering up! *tears* that was good, great job! Keep up the good work! I cant wait to see more!
I tryed to see things from your point of view but i cant seem to get my head that far up my ass!
thank you to the both of you for
and glad you like it
so thanks agian
Last edited by chrystalann2004; Nov 09, 2007 at 07:25 AM.
This is a very good poem... hmm.. very strong.. but it's too formal... ^^ so the emotion in this poem is not too flourishing... try more uses of words and methaphores... and suchs ^^
still... it's a good poem keep up the good work...
Legion Ketsueki Lives on~!!
I'm BACK AO!
thank you for the feed back
and i try to use more words and such
in the next one
i am glad you like it