Yes, I can see that you have potention to write interesting poems. You just need to reword somethings. Revision is your friend.
Why the hell are we all here?
Why do we live like this?
Forced to Death and Depression,
Forced to Pain's enternal kiss.
Tears become a commen taste,
Their salty flavor is enjoyed.
But whats next in this meal of Pain?
Could a blood drop be so void?
You'd never know the hell i've lived,
And the things I do to cope.
Who would care to take a Chance,
And live my life with no hope?
Maybe this place isn't right for me,
Maybe I should just find a new home.
But if you find me -Dead or Alive-,
Skin me-bury me- and burn my bones.
Don't judge this tale by its cover,
And don't judge a writer by his words.
Grim on the outside can fly on the inside,
But bronze doesn't fly like birds.
The weak and the frail will rise one day,
And march their way out of hell.
They'll burn and bash our world away,
To watch as everyone fell.
So don't look away when you turn around,
And don't turn your back on the poor.
You may kill a heart with every word,
Yet you've already walked out that door.
Yes, I can see that you have potention to write interesting poems. You just need to reword somethings. Revision is your friend.
Seduced by Flesh
I don't like poems that ask question, when you could write it out yourself without doing it.
I do like that it makes you think, but to much thinking is painful. =[
I don't like when the story circles around one person, like look at me look at me look at me.
But besides this, I can't Judge the write by his words, but how he places them.
Nice Poem. Once again Dark poems of truth~
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