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Thread: Hell's Depression

  1. #1
    Newbie darkness of an angel is off to a good start darkness of an angel's Avatar
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    Hell's Depression

    Why the hell are we all here?
    Why do we live like this?
    Forced to Death and Depression,
    Forced to Pain's enternal kiss.

    Tears become a commen taste,
    Their salty flavor is enjoyed.
    But whats next in this meal of Pain?
    Could a blood drop be so void?

    You'd never know the hell i've lived,
    And the things I do to cope.
    Who would care to take a Chance,
    And live my life with no hope?

    Maybe this place isn't right for me,
    Maybe I should just find a new home.
    But if you find me -Dead or Alive-,
    Skin me-bury me- and burn my bones.

    Don't judge this tale by its cover,
    And don't judge a writer by his words.
    Grim on the outside can fly on the inside,
    But bronze doesn't fly like birds.

    The weak and the frail will rise one day,
    And march their way out of hell.
    They'll burn and bash our world away,
    To watch as everyone fell.

    So don't look away when you turn around,
    And don't turn your back on the poor.
    You may kill a heart with every word,
    Yet you've already walked out that door.

  2. #2
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Re: Hell's Depression

    Yes, I can see that you have potention to write interesting poems. You just need to reword somethings. Revision is your friend.
    Seduced by Flesh


  3. #3
    THUMBSUCKING ADDICTION Mr. K is making a name for themselves Mr. K is making a name for themselves Mr. K's Avatar
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    Re: Hell's Depression

    I don't like poems that ask question, when you could write it out yourself without doing it.

    I do like that it makes you think, but to much thinking is painful. =[

    I don't like when the story circles around one person, like look at me look at me look at me.

    But besides this, I can't Judge the write by his words, but how he places them.

    Nice Poem. Once again Dark poems of truth~
    ≥°≤ [?] █▓▒░░▒▓█ [?] ≥°≤
    You know how you drown a blonde, Rosalie? Glue a mirror to the bottom of a pool.
    Jacob Black, Breaking Dawn, Chapter 14, p.271
    Lamie Hynamen "I reject your reality and substitute my own."

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