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Thread: here goes the first poem from me

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    Newbie Forgotten soul is off to a good start Forgotten soul's Avatar
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    Re: here goes the first poem from me

    @Kasai,
    where do you think I should put periods?
    please and thank you very much^_^

  2. #10
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Re: here goes the first poem from me

    At the end of sentences of course.
    Seduced by Flesh


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    Re: here goes the first poem from me

    ok,Kasai,
    I made some changes tell me what you think^_^

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    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Re: here goes the first poem from me

    Well.. Now you have run-on sentences. But the flow is improved.
    Seduced by Flesh


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    Re: here goes the first poem from me

    hmm a good imagination u put in the poem there... i like the poem very much
    ^^

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    Re: here goes the first poem from me

    Thank you^_^
    happy to see people liking my poems

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    Re: here goes the first poem from me

    The descriptions are nicely done. But I keep spotting repetitive phrases @_@ Maybe it's just me. "Children" "Food" and all that pops into my mind. I'm not saying it's a bad thing. Just hoped that there were more variety(especially in longer poems)

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