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Thread: Here with me

  1. #1
    Otaku Basketball Champion Shippo101 has disabled reputation Shippo101's Avatar
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    Here with me


    As I cried
    You were there

    As I hated you
    You were there

    As I wanted to be left alone
    You were there

    Now I need you
    You aren’t in site

    You betrayed me
    You hurt me

    You lie to me
    You’re not the same

    I am sorry
    That i pushed you away

    Did it come for you to change
    And stop loveing me

    You give me a glare so hurtful
    Were did your love go

    The world is so cold when you’re gone
    Please be here with me

    When you were gone
    The lights went off

    Please come back and
    Be here with me
    Shippo is determined to become a lvl higher
    I'm a solider of Pen and Paper!
    <3 Atomik_Sprout <3

  2. #2
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Re: Here with me

    The repition makes the poem boring and the short verses (you try to make them stanzas) arent appealing.
    Seduced by Flesh


  3. #3
    Newbie babepooh15 may be famous one day babepooh15 may be famous one day babepooh15's Avatar
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    Re: Here with me

    i like it a littel boring and sad but overall good work!!
    poohs my boo

  4. #4
    Lost In My Own World Fishing the Sea Champion, LastTank Standing Champion Ky-lyrra may be famous one day Ky-lyrra may be famous one day Ky-lyrra's Avatar
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    Re: Here with me

    For this poem I would recommend you not using the same words and for you to not use that color it hurts peoples eyes. I would also recommend you to try and make it alittle more interesting. Some of your verses don't make since so try and straighten that up. Other then that your thoughts have been greatly heard.
    ™Mommy To Micah And Shawn!™


    Thanks For The Amazing Tag Pyro!

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