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Reply With QuoteElie I love the way you put your emotions into your poems. I love it.
Sitting below our family tree
Watching the passers by
Awaiting your arrival at the doorstep
The sand slowly drops into the glass cylinder
Bit by bit
Pieces by pieces
The sky darkens and the light fades away
Nothing is seen anymore
What's left are the mysterious creatures
Who reveals themselve as the night begins
I haven't lost faith
Pointless as it is
My heart tells my to continue the long wait
At long last the familiar sound of your car is heard
My legs shot up and ran as fast as they could take me
The keys beside my dangle as the wind blow agaisnt them
This is what I've been waiting for
Your presence makes me feel at home
Knowing that you're here has an undeniable effect on me
Hold on, please don't...
Too late
The irritating and hateful sound rang
I tried to stopped it
But I knew the case was useless
As i stare helplessly as you picked the phone
Moments later which felt like an eternity
You looked at me with your apological eyes
Like you always did
And drove the car away into the night once more
Maybe you don't know me well
But riches that you give doesn't mean anything to me
No jewels, money or fame
Could ever replace you
So just please me for once
For all I've ever wanted was to hear that familiar sound of your car
Coming home...
pls comment!!BE HONEST.
Elie I love the way you put your emotions into your poems. I love it.
well... its not as good as ur other works to be honest (n u did say honest). but its still good just not as good. anyway its a nice poem, but i feel like theres something missing out of this one. but don't be dishearten cause ur poems r great. so keep up the good work.
-___- why so long? Anyway. This is different, but a good different.
hm...well is NIce ,not bad...but i don't seem it ryhme much...but still gud lol... keep working
Well,this poem is not too bad.u sure showed ur emotions in it which i can c.if i were to be honest dat is,it would be to say it lacks certain elements which could have made the poem heaps better.a suggestion would be is to use different emotive words which allows the reader to feel empathy,draw em in.use words dat appeals to ppl's heart rather than their minds.don't feel too sad if it sounds lyk a critism.keep working at it.
this is a bit longer than ur previous poems but it still holds the same quality which ur other poems have.
Thanks for the siggy Ky-lyrra
Be honest, eh? Okies! ^^ Compared to the other ones that you wrote, Elie, I just didn't see the Elie-ness in this one, but still, you conveyed a neat meaning. There are a few spelling erros, but they don't matter much. However, some sentences were revised a little further, this piece can turn into a great one as well. For example:
The sand slowly drops into the glass cylinder
Bit by bit
Pieces by pieces
For some reason (^_^), when I was reading this, the phrase "pieces by pieces," didn't sound like it fits in properly along this stanza. The word 'pieces' didn't relate well to sand. (^_^) So, please try to take time, and revise the poem a little, then it will bounce back sparkling! Either way, great work, Elie.
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