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Thread: A hospital scene

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    Otaku mezzo1991 is off to a good start mezzo1991's Avatar
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    A hospital scene

    Okay so heres like the only poem i have left.. i wrote it when i was going through a kinda tough situation. its not the best but eh just please give useful criticism (sp)

    Doctor doctor hurry,
    Theres an emergancy better scurry,
    Hes loosing blood fast,
    This day could be his last,
    So much bloodfrom such a short cut,
    in the note he said is cause that slut,
    she slept around and she was his life,
    So later that night he found out and grabbed the knife,
    He went to his room and wrote this letter,
    In which he said death would be so much better,
    Then living and dealing with this pain inside,
    In this cruel world without her by his side,
    With one deep cut he collapsed on the floor,
    Saying he couldnt take it any more,
    His mom came in and called nine one one,
    Crying saying i just found my son,
    Lying on the floor covered in blood,
    the ambulance came rushing in threw rain and mud,
    nows hes in life support lying on the bed,
    the tone of a flat line makes us realize hes dead.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    GamerTag: AW joe7x
    Myspace: www.myspace.com/mezzo1991

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    kingmustang (May 19, 2010)

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    Newbie kingmustang is off to a good start kingmustang's Avatar
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    Re: A hospital scene

    I think this is quite good And it is very sad....... I seem to like that kind I do not know why
    Sword in hand, fire in heart, I walk towards my future just playing my part.
    The school of the undefeated East! The winds of the king! Zenshin! Keiretsu! Tempa! Kyoran! Look! The East is burning red!” (G Gundam)
    Ride Fast, Live Free & Stay strong.

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    mezzo1991 (May 24, 2010)

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    Otaku mezzo1991 is off to a good start mezzo1991's Avatar
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    Re: A hospital scene

    Quote Originally Posted by kingmustang View Post
    I think this is quite good And it is very sad....... I seem to like that kind I do not know why
    Thank you ^^ its really the first poem i put out for people to read.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    GamerTag: AW joe7x
    Myspace: www.myspace.com/mezzo1991

  6. #4
    Newbie MirrorKnight is off to a good start
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    Re: A hospital scene

    I really liked it. Good job :3 it was sad tho, but it was pretty good too.

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