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Thread: How Old Are We?

  1. #1
    Slam Dunk Da Funk Soshi Kitai is making a name for themselves Soshi Kitai is making a name for themselves Soshi Kitai's Avatar
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    How Old Are We?

    --Please let me take this top portion to apologize if my creative writing skills are poor. I literally haven't written a single poem in over 2 years.
    Also, I'd like to warn those who are very organized: I'm a freewrite poet.--


    How Old Are We?

    How Old Are We?
    We. Us. You and Me.
    This Place, This Land, Our Old Family.

    It's Empty.
    It's Barren.
    Yet We Always Return.
    Scrounging For Feelings.
    Scrounging For Memories.

    But How Old Are We?
    Not Age and Not Numbers.
    Not Histories and Time-Aparts.
    Not How Long It Has Been.
    And Not How Far We Have Been.

    This Place. This Place. It Is Empty.
    This Toy. This Instrument. They Are Full of Dust.
    These Jokes. So Cheesy Now.
    These Scars. Almost Completely Faded.
    These Memories. As If We Were Infants.

    How Old Are We?
    I Want To Measure In More Than Just Time.
    I Want You To Measure.
    I Want You To Want Me To Measure.
    I Want Us To Measure.

    You And Me.
    How Really Old Are We?

    Not By Ticks. Not By Tocks.
    Not By Steps. Not By Jumps. Not By Leaps.

    ...

    But By You And Me.
    Our Memories Together.
    What We Have Gone Through Together.

    Our Jokes That We Overkilled.
    Our Stories That Got Old.
    Our Sayings That Made Us Known.
    Our Adventures We Wish We Taped.
    Our Secrets We Never Told.

    How Old Was That Time We Met Each Other?
    How Old Was That Time We Loved Each Other?
    How Old Was That Time We Hated Each Other?
    How Old Was That Time We Left Each Other?

    And How Old Are We Now-
    Now That We Have Found Each Other.



    --- Dedicated To My Old Internet Family, And The Ones I've Found Again.

  2. #2
    is On Point Abu Dhabi is making a name for themselves Abu Dhabi is making a name for themselves Abu Dhabi's Avatar
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    Re: How Old Are We?

    ^_^ i thought this was really cute, Darling! and it could apply to almost any kind of relationship!


    great work, hun!

  3. #3
    Otaku ron119125 is off to a good start ron119125's Avatar
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    Re: How Old Are We?

    It is very well done people could learn alot by trying to live by what it says.
    Last edited by gren; Apr 16, 2008 at 02:33 PM.

  4. #4
    Newbie Young Wolf is off to a good start Young Wolf's Avatar
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    Re: How Old Are We?

    there is no age to put to a person because you are reborn every day until you die but even then your soul is old my soul is 20 lives long (about 1000-1500 if my lives lived to be at least 50)
    fear me
    i am lycan other kin

  5. #5
    Otaku crimson is off to a good start crimson's Avatar
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    Re: How Old Are We?

    cool... it's neat how you chose to put emphasis on a specific topic... recurring a word in a different name makes it work more efficiently. it takes a whole different meaning as you go ahead and read it further...

    your poem also takes on a nice rhythm... however, what makes your poem strong has also made it weak. too mush of the recursions eventually made the poem redundant in a sense. it was nice to start, however along the middle it got too evident and it seems like you are merely placing it there in order to fill a rhythm. and to add, you said

    This Place. This Place. It Is Empty.
    This Toy. This Instrument. They Are Full of Dust.
    These Jokes. So Cheesy Now.
    These Scars. Almost Completely Faded.
    These Memories. As If We Were Infants.
    and

    Our Jokes That We Overkilled.
    Our Stories That Got Old.
    Our Sayings That Made Us Known.
    Our Adventures We Wish We Taped.
    Our Secrets We Never Told.
    their thought was basically the same, except for the last line... but it sort of works out nicely... however, try to avoid this in thefuture... the art of poem writing is in using as little words as possible to mean as mush as an entire universe when understood.
    i'll choose to love whoever i wish to love and nobody can stop me from doing so ----

    crimson
    edited from SamBakZa.net

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