sarcosuchus

Down somwhere to an unknown way
Where creature exists; yes or no?
I cannot say

Awaken from a slumber of a creature behind
Like a flash from the sky
I makes me blind

As I run deeper in the jungle of fear
Giving me so much pain
It is perfect clear

And I found my self lying behind a tree
Then a tear from heaven drop in my eyes
And it became my remedy

I saw an angel wearing a white cape
Stand at my front
Giving me a dreaded shape

"Stand young" man as it speak
Cause you gonna find out the reason
At that peak

I cannot understand what he mean
Cause I am only an ordinary man
At the age of sixteen

But my feet move without my permission or cause
Towar the earth, toward the sea
Without stop, with out pause

Then I saw an empty plain covered with snow
No one is living there
Nothing it can show

I wander at that place full of curiosity
Then a monster rose from the frozen lake
With an eyes of calamity

I am the beast of nature's wrath
I give a warning
For all of the things you've done

Trees are crying but people only can hear
Their wicked laugh
And their children's fear

They are afraid that their sons may die
From famine and disease; but they are not
afraid of nature's cry

I cannot say a word from my mouth
Cause I know he's right, I cannot walk
I cannot run I cannot shout

The beast speaks again with a voice of a thunder strike
That can chill you from toe
To your spikes

Look at the sea and watch the fishes
That swim freely and fun, but look again
And see how they die from poison gases

I was been paralyzed by the terror of the tide
But the worst I stunned
From nature's broken pride

Now, go deeply into the forest and find
A fairy that is sweet and kind; ask her to teach you
How to live and how to grind

I followed his command with hesitate
Cause I feel free when I'm lonely
Deserted and devastate

I am now stand at the path to forest
I stop for a while and take a rest

Peach_follows

This poem was long. Which means first and foremost you get kudos for the effort it took to write it.

But, with long poems you have to be careful. You have to keep it interesting without it being too scattered and random after a while.

That seemed to be the case here (in my opinion). It went from a chase in the forrest, to an encounter with an environmentally concious "nature beast". Suddenly theres a request to find a fairy? .... Then it just.... ends.

As interesting as the story was it was kinda scattered and random.

Once again though, I applaud the time it must have taken to write this... kudos

__________________

sarcosuchus

thank you for your opinion I will do my best at the next part.

sarcosuchus

Plss reply or send me a message cause I want to know if my poem sucks or hilarious.. cause if this poem sucks, I will not spend my energy and effort for continuing this narrative poem anymore.