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Thread: Hurted?

  1. #1
    Hell Enforcer George Wants Beer Champion, Monkey Cliff Diving Champion, Tilt 2 Champion hellknight may be famous one day hellknight may be famous one day hellknight's Avatar
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    Hurted?

    Why did he threw himself
    Right out of this window?
    Not knowing who he was
    His life will never flow

    There was a little child
    But, now a grown man
    Cutting himself wild
    With blood all over his hand

    He wanted help
    But, he didn't want it
    He needed a savior
    But, he didn't need it

    He was so stupid
    For what he did
    He doens't know it
    That he feels like a kid

  2. #2
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Re: Hurted?

    Grammar, punctuation and spelling. Wow, this poem needs all of that for it to even be an intelligent read.
    Seduced by Flesh


  3. #3
    Hell Enforcer George Wants Beer Champion, Monkey Cliff Diving Champion, Tilt 2 Champion hellknight may be famous one day hellknight may be famous one day hellknight's Avatar
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    Re: Hurted?

    thank you kasai, maybe you can help me with some work or i'll pm it to ya before i set it up

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    Otaku Fallen Hero may be famous one day Fallen Hero may be famous one day Fallen Hero's Avatar
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    Re: Hurted?

    Looks like u just wrote it but u used some cool words. I got to say that the title is kinda weak though. I would work on it.

  5. #5
    Devoted Otaku BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1's Avatar
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    Re: Hurted?

    Once again there are some corrections that need to be made to this poem, but for the most part keep up the good work homey! I see you have the talent to become a great writer! The way I do my poems before I post them I use spell check and then I'll let one of my friends on here read them before I post. But you doing a great job and keep them coming!

  6. #6
    Lost In My Own World Fishing the Sea Champion, LastTank Standing Champion Ky-lyrra may be famous one day Ky-lyrra may be famous one day Ky-lyrra's Avatar
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    Re: Hurted?

    I like this one too but I don't really get this part:

    He wanted help
    But, he didn't want it
    He needed a savior
    But, he didn't need it
    I'm sorry but what is it that you are trying to really say.
    ™Mommy To Micah And Shawn!™


    Thanks For The Amazing Tag Pyro!

  7. #7
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    Re: Hurted?

    i think he is saying he looked like he needed help but he really didnt need it
    im bot sure but that could be what he is saying there, but it is a very cool
    poem either way. i liked it alot

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