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Thread: I am

  1. #1
    Randomly Renny!!! XD Boiler Breakdown Champion, Lotads Lament Champion, Crystal Island Champion, Festive Fallout Champion Renn may be famous one day Renn's Avatar
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    I am

    I am blooming flower.
    I wonder who I am and what i want to be.
    I hear the sound of sweet music.
    I see the endles fields of flowers.
    I want people to be happy.
    I am blooming flower.

    I pretend to know everything.
    I feel happy when I am around others.
    I touch the wetness of crisp, clean water.
    I worry when people are mad at me.
    I cry when I see someone hurt.
    I am blooming flower.

    I understand people's problems.
    I say be who you want to be and not who people expect you to be.
    I dream for the happines of those close to me.
    I try to help whenever I can.
    I hope to understand you as you understand me.
    I am a blooming flower.

    'This world is trash. Cursed by the Fon Master...'

  2. #2
    THUMBSUCKING ADDICTION Mr. K is making a name for themselves Mr. K is making a name for themselves Mr. K's Avatar
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    Re: I am

    Not really a blooming flower, but a dying flower, as in you seen it all, and yet your not new but old and withering with time it's self.

    Nice poem but I don't see it the way I would like. You could make the poem a little longer and put some dead English words in them. To make it more Mystical.

    Lets not stick with the trend of Sentences that don't fit in with each other. With the mystical Flower, and the words of a Teenage life in one.

    You are a flower coming and going. Not so fresh. Last Sentence should be changed.

    After that; Nice poem~!
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  3. #3
    God Of Angelz Submarine Champion, Rocket Racer MX Champion, Pencak Champion, Grand Prix Challenge 2 Champion, Twelve Swap Champion, Penguin Pass Champion, Crab Volleyball Champion, Hockey Shooter Champion, Trick Master Funky Champion, Mah-Jong Connect Champion, W.R.A.X. Champion dark1angel may be famous one day dark1angel's Avatar
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    Re: I am

    Hmmm... Blooming Like a Flower really brought me out some problems i wish you can help me but i am already in like a dried flower in heatness, this was a well though out poem that i really had never paid attention to before and now i understand this type of feeling i wished you can feel other people's pain but you can only feel the sadness of others.

    The only thing i can say is you may want to put more feeling into it because it goes from Happiness into Sadness i dont know if it was part of it but went separate ways rather then going together. I wish to see more of your respectful work in the future.
    Last edited by gren; Dec 04, 2007 at 03:37 PM. Reason: removed quoted poem

    Magic intervenes when there is love in first sight.
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  4. #4
    Mathematical!! Bugz Champion, Ant Bully Champion, Chainsaw the childern Champion, 3D Net Blazer Champion, Cricket Challenge Champion, Big Uglies Champion, Body Check Champion, Desktop Fishing Champion, All Star Skate Park Champion, Chuckie Egg Champion, Birdy Champion, Anthrax Jelly Champion, Air Typer Champion, Word Pads Champion, Crash Test Dummy Curling Champion, The Mini Jump Game Champion, Chairlift Challenge Champion, Astroboy vs One Bad Storm Champion, Fight Man Champion, Blot In Hell Champion, Beeku Adventure Champion, Connect2 Champion, Atomica Champion, Cannonball Follies 2 Champion, Bada Boing Champion, BeachDefence Champion, Alkie Kong 2 Champion atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout's Avatar
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    Re: I am

    Hmm... Never knew blooming flowers were so experienced.

    I agree with Mr. K. It was very hard to visualize the poem the way I would like to.
    It IS a nicely written piece of work, but "I am blooming flower" only says so much.

    It's hard to compare a blooming flower with the issues of adolesence when most blooming flowers are younger than yourself. Wilting flower, mabye. Or flower at full bloom. But blooming/budding? Naw. Nice try though. Kudos for effort, but you should really try to ditch the ominous, mystical feel and go for something more relevant to what you're writing about.


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