I am

Renn · Dec 04, 2007, 12:12 PM

I am blooming flower.
I wonder who I am and what i want to be.
I hear the sound of sweet music.
I see the endles fields of flowers.
I want people to be happy.
I am blooming flower.

I pretend to know everything.
I feel happy when I am around others.
I touch the wetness of crisp, clean water.
I worry when people are mad at me.
I cry when I see someone hurt.
I am blooming flower.

I understand people's problems.
I say be who you want to be and not who people expect you to be.
I dream for the happines of those close to me.
I try to help whenever I can.
I hope to understand you as you understand me.
I am a blooming flower.

*Mr. K* · Dec 04, 2007, 12:35 PM

Not really a blooming flower, but a dying flower, as in you seen it all, and yet your not new but old and withering with time it's self.

Nice poem but I don't see it the way I would like. You could make the poem a little longer and put some dead English words in them. To make it more Mystical.

Lets not stick with the trend of Sentences that don't fit in with each other. With the mystical Flower, and the words of a Teenage life in one.

You are a flower coming and going. Not so fresh. Last Sentence should be changed.

After that; Nice poem~!

dark1angel · Dec 04, 2007, 12:41 PM

Hmmm... Blooming Like a Flower really brought me out some problems i wish you can help me but i am already in like a dried flower in heatness, this was a well though out poem that i really had never paid attention to before and now i understand this type of feeling i wished you can feel other people's pain but you can only feel the sadness of others.

The only thing i can say is you may want to put more feeling into it because it goes from Happiness into Sadness i dont know if it was part of it but went separate ways rather then going together. I wish to see more of your respectful work in the future.

*atomik_sprout* · Dec 04, 2007, 01:09 PM

Hmm... Never knew blooming flowers were so experienced.

I agree with Mr. K. It was very hard to visualize the poem the way I would like to.
It IS a nicely written piece of work, but "I am blooming flower" only says so much.

It's hard to compare a blooming flower with the issues of adolesence when most blooming flowers are younger than yourself. Wilting flower, mabye. Or flower at full bloom. But blooming/budding? Naw. Nice try though. Kudos for effort, but you should really try to ditch the ominous, mystical feel and go for something more relevant to what you're writing about.

Dec 04, 2007, 12:12 PM	#1 (permalink)
Renn Tournaments Won: 2 Fennes-One who prays Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: o.O should i tell you.....nope i won't!!! XD Posts: 530 Thanks: 6 Thanked 11 Times in 11 Posts Credits: 15,096	I am I am blooming flower. I wonder who I am and what i want to be. I hear the sound of sweet music. I see the endles fields of flowers. I want people to be happy. I am blooming flower. I pretend to know everything. I feel happy when I am around others. I touch the wetness of crisp, clean water. I worry when people are mad at me. I cry when I see someone hurt. I am blooming flower. I understand people's problems. I say be who you want to be and not who people expect you to be. I dream for the happines of those close to me. I try to help whenever I can. I hope to understand you as you understand me. I am a blooming flower. __________________
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Dec 04, 2007, 12:35 PM	#2 (permalink)
Mr. K THUMBSUCKING ADDICTION Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Alaska Posts: 1,268 Thanks: 0 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post Credits: 3,359	Re: I am Not really a blooming flower, but a dying flower, as in you seen it all, and yet your not new but old and withering with time it's self. Nice poem but I don't see it the way I would like. You could make the poem a little longer and put some dead English words in them. To make it more Mystical. Lets not stick with the trend of Sentences that don't fit in with each other. With the mystical Flower, and the words of a Teenage life in one. You are a flower coming and going. Not so fresh. Last Sentence should be changed. After that; Nice poem~! __________________ ≥°≤ [?] █▓▒░░▒▓█ [?] ≥°≤ ◕ ◡ ◕;;;;[?]
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Dec 04, 2007, 12:41 PM	#3 (permalink)
dark1angel Tournaments Won: 1 Hybrid Humanoid Forever Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: In a Purified Realm Of Lightness Posts: 562 Thanks: 71 Thanked 21 Times in 21 Posts Credits: 21,010	Re: I am Hmmm... Blooming Like a Flower really brought me out some problems i wish you can help me but i am already in like a dried flower in heatness, this was a well though out poem that i really had never paid attention to before and now i understand this type of feeling i wished you can feel other people's pain but you can only feel the sadness of others. The only thing i can say is you may want to put more feeling into it because it goes from Happiness into Sadness i dont know if it was part of it but went separate ways rather then going together. I wish to see more of your respectful work in the future. __________________ Traveling so far can mean anything but in the real world your life can expand to your dreams. \|アスタロス\| Last edited by gren; Dec 04, 2007 at 02:37 PM. Reason: removed quoted poem
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Dec 04, 2007, 01:09 PM	#4 (permalink)
atomik_sprout CHUCK NORRIS!!! Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Minneapolis, MN Posts: 2,087 Thanks: 55 Thanked 69 Times in 64 Posts Credits: 110,749	Re: I am Hmm... Never knew blooming flowers were so experienced. I agree with Mr. K. It was very hard to visualize the poem the way I would like to. It IS a nicely written piece of work, but "I am blooming flower" only says so much. It's hard to compare a blooming flower with the issues of adolesence when most blooming flowers are younger than yourself. Wilting flower, mabye. Or flower at full bloom. But blooming/budding? Naw. Nice try though. Kudos for effort, but you should really try to ditch the ominous, mystical feel and go for something more relevant to what you're writing about. __________________ http://www.myspace.com/boondocksamurai
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