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Thread: I Could Be...

  1. #1
    Newbie WitchBaby89 is off to a good start WitchBaby89's Avatar
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    I Could Be...

    Okay guys I'm posting my first poem *nervous laugh*

    Anyway. This isn't one of my best (I'll save those for later). I'm just not sure about it. And I'd like to know if it has promise. Or if it's hopeless and I should give it up and begin a new one. So I don't mind if your brutal. lol. I don't mind critisism so long as it's constructive and not sarcastic. Though keep in mind that it has a deep meaning for me. So here it is.

    I could be...

    I could be you.
    I could meet your gaze.
    That hateful stare you do so well.
    The one I’ve seen so many times.
    It could be mine.

    I could be vile.
    I could use your voice.
    That angry well of words,
    being spewed at me daily.
    It could be spewed by me.

    I could be hurtful.
    I could raise my hand.
    That same hand you raised at me.
    The one you brought down with such force.
    It could be raised by me.

    I could be depressed.
    I could feel regret.
    That same regret you have for me.
    The regret that I was created, born.
    It could be felt by me.

    I could be malevolent.
    I could spread hate.
    That hate you feel for everything.
    The hate I fear so much.
    It could be mine.

    I could be you.
    I could hold on to my pain.
    That same pain you held on to.
    The pain you handed down to me.
    I could hold on.

    I could be you.
    I could.
    But I’m not.
    I won’t hold on.
    I’ll let go.

    So there it is.

    Thanks for taking time to read it. Please comment on it.

    Much love,
    WitchBaby89
    "I'm by your side. No matter how sad your dreams are, I don't mind"

  2. #2
    ♥ (¯'·._.·[GEISHA ゲイシャ]·. HieisLove may be famous one day HieisLove may be famous one day HieisLove's Avatar
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    Re: I Could Be...

    This is a really good poem. Puts me a the place I once was that I call my personal..but anywho. I feel the emotion flowing from it. You did a very good job
    ♥ (¯'·._.·[GEISHA ゲイシャ]·._.·'¯) ♥

  3. #3
    Femmebot Rehab Colt Crouse Champion, Bookworm Champion, Hangman Champion, Connect 2 Champion Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows's Avatar
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    Re: I Could Be...

    Wow.... I've never seen your work before... (suppose thats bacause you're new).
    When you come in.. you come with a bang! This was utterly fantastic. I both needed to hear this, and wish I could say it to a few people as well.

    I was reading this aloud, with my "Power voice". Thats the voice I use when Im preaching a point to somebody, and I know Im winning. To me... The feeling of this poem.. is the best revenge. Knowing you COULD be as low as those who try to bring you down. But you never will be.
    ... Not Ever Again...

  4. #4
    Otaku Lotski is off to a good start
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    Re: I Could Be...

    that's cool!
    you being anew member really impressed me..
    you're poem is awesome! try to join the competition in poems,
    who knows you may make it right?.. i admire you now..
    kepp up the good work! ^_^

    If you don't like me, it's mind over matter.
    I don't mind and you don't matter

  5. #5
    Newbie WitchBaby89 is off to a good start WitchBaby89's Avatar
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    Re: I Could Be...

    Wow *blushes*. lol thanks guys. I really wasn't expecting such awesome comments. It wasn't even really one of my best.

    Anyway. I can't wait to start reading everyone else's poems.

    Thanks again.
    "I'm by your side. No matter how sad your dreams are, I don't mind"

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