Rave_Grip

As you’ve discerned by now, what I really mean
How I feel about this creature. Okay I won’t be THAT mean.
I just don’t seem to love this man anymore.

My father? If he were a drunkard I would’ve sworn he could’ve killed me,
Or at least made me permanently disabled!
But he ALMOST did all that before. Beat me and my brother with metal rods, belts, and hard ass shoes and even punched us repeatedly.

You might be wondering, why the hell am I writing this, boring you
Or you might say it’s normal, he could be a loving father!
Oh let me tell you, he is but only when he wants to.
His excuse that I should owe him-

“I cleaned your ass when you were little-” So WHAT
“I stood for us, gave you everything” SO DID I
I stood for you too, idiot, when everyone was putting you down.

You always boast about your ugly and pathetic ego. Bore me with ineffectual details
About how much you’ve suffered.
“How much pains have you given us, my dear mother and to my brother”
I’d yell out with all my force.

He proclaims himself as a strong man. He would pull me by my hair,
Spray my face with his disgusting spits
And whatever comes to his mind he’ll blabber it out.

From calling me a mother ****er, to a man-whore and son of a bitch;
And every other utterance to label and decorate both my personality and feelings
Later, creating all the drama, he’ll pretend to cry as if HE is the victim!

He always blames my mother that we are spoiled, all because of that woman.
And quite ironically, he takes the credit for our achievements and treats her as rubbish.
He won’t take the responsibility that it’s his fault I abhor him so.
HE won’t take the responsibility that it’s his fault that, especially I, am spoiled!

It’s not that my mother is uncaring and selfish; she was always abiding him, no matter what.
It’s not that she was ugly and no one would marry her. My wonderful mother always love [e/s/d] him.
But still, he would throw away her food, medicines, everything, even our primitives would be ashamed.


He would yell in the public and blame US it’s OUR fault that WE humiliate him.
[Slowly my anger boils]
He would go around comparing me to other children, listen to others and not us.
[I feel down]
That incompetent excuse for an egoistical man would clobber us [probably] worse than slaves
[I clench my teeth extremely hard, holding back the tears conceived by all this]
He would not give me credit for all the times I stood by him, cared for him, did all his dirty work
[I sadistically satisfy myself with gruesome thoughts of him suffering]

Then, he would cross the limit
[All the chains holding me back shatter, I go out of control, and I grab him by his throat-

I turn into the devil, obviously apologizing to God,
I grab him by the legs, swing him around and smash his head against the hard glass in our room.
I ignore his withering and stomp on his unsightly face, kicking him in his pride, squeezing his head against the wall by my unexpected superhuman strength.
I yell and rave and prove him wrong for all his actions.
I do whatever comes to my mind, satisfying both me, and the Satan inside.
I repay him for all I owe him. All the pain. I smash his head open.
I tear his face. I smash everything over his body. I jump over him over and over again.

But then I realize that the knife against his eye is just a hair’s strand away.
I pull away, compressing the devil further inside me.
I watch him sleep against my wonderful mother. Just for her sake I pull away.
“Sleep peacefully for now, father, but your time will soon come”
Today? Tomorrow? Or ever?
I am sure it will.
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To be honest I don't care if you hate this or like this, I had to let it out and I did, but quite frankly, there's heaps left

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I tried.
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Peach_follows

Thank you for sharing this rave. It was personal, but it was very heart felt. And it pulled out many emotions and memories. And even though you "don't care" I hope you don't mind my commenting.

That reminded me of how I felt about my father when I was young. I used to hate him. I used to fight him back. I stopped being scared. Hes even put his hands on me while I was pregnant.

It took me having sons of my own... who go day by day without the influence of a father. For me to have even an ounce of respect for my own. But looking back. Even with all the hatred I felt at times. He was there when I needed a "daddy" to protect and help me (and I didn't have to wait or wonder where he was). So, I guess Im thankful for that. Because I see that my children arent as fortunate, and I know eventually they'll want\or need the help of a man. It is something that I can't provide.

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equinn

rave i know what u mean once my dad got really pissed and hit my bro and me as i am got into the middle of it i shouted ''dont hit him so hard!'' and i i got in reply was how said that who said that and he was gonna blame it on my sis in stead of me and i had to shout again that it was me and he hit me one and i easly said to hit gone hit me again...and he walked away and he said sonthing after and i was like i dont ****in care!!!

and ur poem minds me of that and im happy my mums here or any time he was pissed he wpuld do that but he only did it that once ,... its werid tho ... but great poem lots of emotions i really liked it thanks for sharing it was us

EDIT!!!!

rave i also wanted to say maybe it was the way he was rised...????
be cause my ungl when to this fotune teller and i belive ths becasue she knew soo much of his past and she said that theres an old man shouting in the back and he wants to tell u somthing.... ad she said he said that it wasnt his fault and it cant change things but he was sorry and it was the way he was rised.....

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Adarrah

This poem... Is it showing your true feelings about what really happened around you? It must've been really hard if it's true *nod nod*... I reminds me of something... Somehow, gone, ages ago... *sigh* ... Thanks for sharing *smile*....

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Carve an amble now,
Saying that the day's still bright,
And let's play with time.