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Thread: I Know you're out there (S.O.S.)

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    Otaku eleonne has disabled reputation eleonne's Avatar
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    Re: I Know you're out there (S.O.S.)

    It's a nice poem, in my opinion, because I was able to understand the poem's main thought and when I read it, I could tell that it was truly hearfelt. For me, the poem was alive.

    However, I feel that many of the lines are overused ideas. Most of the lines, while they carry powerful meaning, feel cliche, or perhaps it's just because your thoughts are expressed very straightforwardly. If you can find a way to express your feelings with a different approach, I am sure your poem would stand out more. Exercise creativity and challenge yourself more. Sometimes, it's not enough to merely express your feelings, however genuine those feelings are, in writing a poem, if you truly want your individuality reflected in your work. I know that the persona in your poem is trying to reach out, but I feel that after reading the poem, I still wasn't able to recognize the poem's persona apart from the other people having the same sentiments...

    All in all, it's still nice enough poem for me. The important thing is that I felt the life of your words and verses. Keep up the good work! ^^

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    Re: I Know you're out there (S.O.S.)

    Quote Originally Posted by eleonne View Post
    It's a nice poem, in my opinion, because I was able to understand the poem's main thought and when I read it, I could tell that it was truly hearfelt. For me, the poem was alive.

    However, I feel that many of the lines are overused ideas. Most of the lines, while they carry powerful meaning, feel cliche, or perhaps it's just because your thoughts are expressed very straightforwardly. If you can find a way to express your feelings with a different approach, I am sure your poem would stand out more. Exercise creativity and challenge yourself more. Sometimes, it's not enough to merely express your feelings, however genuine those feelings are, in writing a poem, if you truly want your individuality reflected in your work. I know that the persona in your poem is trying to reach out, but I feel that after reading the poem, I still wasn't able to recognize the poem's persona apart from the other people having the same sentiments...

    All in all, it's still nice enough poem for me. The important thing is that I felt the life of your words and verses. Keep up the good work! ^^
    Thank you for taking the time to give me your feedback. I appreciate that.

    I really didn't think too hard about wording, or composition... I usually try (sometimes too hard) to put rythm in my poetry. I was really exhausted when I wrote it. The desperation of the "persona"... was really my desperation.

    This sincerely went from my brain to my fingertips. And was posted.

    Like a panicy call for help (which it was).... This involved very little prior thought or revision afterwards.
    ... Not Ever Again...

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