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Thread: I Like Monkeys

  1. #1
    Otaku Heartless_mage may be famous one day Heartless_mage may be famous one day Heartless_mage's Avatar
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    I Like Monkeys

    one of my friends emailed this to me and i just thought it was one of the coolest "poems" ever.............


    I LIKE MONKEYS
    I like monkeys.

    The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought that
    odd since they were normally a couple thousand each. I decided not to
    look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys.

    I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His
    name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really
    bright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed.
    Then they punched my genitals. I stopped laughing.

    I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new
    environment. They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch at
    high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the
    spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.

    Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive:
    they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta' dropped dead.
    Kinda' like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damn
    cheap monkeys.

    I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my
    room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked
    like I had 200 throw rugs.

    I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck.
    Then I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys.

    I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for
    a while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real
    bad.

    I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn't want
    to call the plumber. I was embarrassed.

    I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately
    there was only enough room for two monkeys at a time so I had to change
    them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so
    it didn't all go bad.

    I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was flammable. I had to
    extinguish the fire.

    Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in
    my freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odor
    wasn't improving.

    I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys and to use the
    bathroom. I severely beat one of my monkeys. I felt better.

    I tried throwing them way but the garbage man said that the city wasn't
    allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him that I had a wet
    one. He couldn't take that one either. I didn't bother asking about the
    frozen ones.

    I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My
    friends didn't know quite what to say. They pretended that they like
    them but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in
    the genitals.

    I like monkeys

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    Re: I Like Monkeys

    It's silly.. @.@ why did u think it was the coolest? xD

    Hmm...kinda funny.. but...its more like a story than a poem

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    Re: I Like Monkeys

    lmao... that is the funniest story/ poem i have ever heard!!! Oh my... oh wow.. this is cute.. i like it a lot.

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    Re: I Like Monkeys

    Oh!! That was a funny story... hehehe... Love it!! So where di you get it?? I'm just curious.. LOL.. Thats cute Hehehehe!!!

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    Re: I Like Monkeys

    very good i like it .very funny and i love the feelings............can't wait for more
    keep it ↑ ♥~*The Princess*~♥
    Yeah, Bye.

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    Femmebot Rehab Colt Crouse Champion, Bookworm Champion, Hangman Champion, Connect 2 Champion Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows's Avatar
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    Re: I Like Monkeys

    I did not like this for many reasons. One, it isnt yours. Two... it isnt really poetry. 3, it wasn't that funny to me... Perhaps if I wasn't sober I'd feel different. But then again, if I have to kill brain cells to find something humorous... thats pretty bad. I did like the punching in the genitals part though. The writter of this rightfully should experience as many punches in the genitals a monkey has to offer.
    ... Not Ever Again...

  7. #7
    Otaku Taraqs is off to a good start
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    Re: I Like Monkeys

    lol how funny is the Lighter side of poetry. Will you be the comedian poet?

  8. #8
    Otaku Heartless_mage may be famous one day Heartless_mage may be famous one day Heartless_mage's Avatar
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    Re: I Like Monkeys

    peach follows...........srry for being ignorant an apparently an alchy for thinking this is funny......

    no i didnt write it........it was givin to me by a friend and i have no clue were they got it from..........

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