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Thread: I Love You

  1. #1
    Otaku Seirika is off to a good start
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    I Love You

    Im sitting in the schools bathroom,
    With a razor in my hand,
    Blood flowing down my arms,
    Seeking one demand.
    I wanted my life to be taken,
    To be done and say good bye,
    Although you never saw me,
    You will always here my cry.
    His new precious girlfriend,
    Sees me hanging from the stall,
    She sees my wrists cut open,
    And blood all over the wall.
    On the wall written in blood said,
    I love you and you knew it from the start,
    Did you even care,
    When you ripped me apart?
    His girl friend screamed real loud,
    And then he ran inside,
    He saw my cold body,
    And then began to cry.
    Oh how could you do this,
    Leave me here this way,
    I love you too dont leave,
    Is all he had to say.
    He came to me and hugged me,
    And he must have heard my cry,
    Because he whispered slowly,
    I love you please dont die.
    He found my bloody razor,
    And said he could not resist,
    He slit his throat and bled with me,
    And for the first time, we kissed.
    I love you we said to each other,
    This moment we shall cherish,
    Together we had lived,
    And together we shall perish

    Become a wind, unfathomable distress. I'll hold back your loneliness.

  2. #2
    Femmebot Rehab Colt Crouse Champion, Bookworm Champion, Hangman Champion, Connect 2 Champion Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows's Avatar
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    Re: I Love You

    Quote Originally Posted by Seirika View Post
    On the wall written in blood said,
    I love you and you knew it from the start,
    Did you even care,
    When you ripped me apart?
    Thats alot of words to be writing in blood, don't ya think?
    LOL

    Anyway... I hope others will tell you they've enjoyed this as much as I did. I think alot of people see "I love you" for a title and think its just another sappy love poem. But this is actually a good read. Its was a bit dramatic for my taste, but I'm very appreciative of the efforts made to tell a story. It was almost like watching a short film. Not to mention your rhymes were pretty clever at certain points... and your rythm was flawless.. Keep up the good work.
    ... Not Ever Again...

  3. #3
    Angelic Lasura may be famous one day Lasura's Avatar
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    Re: I Love You

    Yea... a lot of words indeed... ^^ that's the only thing that's a lill off in this poem... but, we all understand that it's a poem and in poems some things are in a figurative sence and so are these words- they symbolise the fact that the lyrical "me" had a lot to say...

    I must say: "Another amazingly good poem from Seirika..." I truly adore all your works 'till now... your skill is amazing...

    I agree with Peach in every single aspect- I too thought that this will prpably be another salty love poem, but this is not... this is something truly amazing, truly wonderfull- you've managed to tell a story that would have taken me days to write in a beautiful poem and I admire you for that... Wonderful work indeed... keep it up!!! I'm your fan now ^^

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

  4. #4
    Otaku Seirika is off to a good start
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    Re: I Love You

    Quote Originally Posted by Peach_follows View Post
    Thats alot of words to be writing in blood, don't ya think?
    It depends on where you cut yourself to get alot of blood.Like your left wrist,it has a vein that leads to your heart.Anyways I agree with you and Lasura about the title.But I found it abit convenient to use it.

    Become a wind, unfathomable distress. I'll hold back your loneliness.

  5. #5
    「Someone」 Goo Slasher Champion, Fish Kill Champion, Rapid Motion Champion, Cell-Out Champion, Sober Santa 2 Champion, Flower Girl Champion KuwiRules145 is off to a good start KuwiRules145's Avatar
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    Re: I Love You

    AWESOME POEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE IT!!! And it is a bit bloody but I still love it! It was so cool!!!! It's so romantic in a way to me and it rules with the words!!!! I hope to see more of your great poems!!!!
    「When I'm sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead」

  6. #6
    Femmebot Rehab Colt Crouse Champion, Bookworm Champion, Hangman Champion, Connect 2 Champion Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows's Avatar
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    Re: I Love You

    Quote Originally Posted by Seirika View Post
    It depends on where you cut yourself to get alot of blood.Like your left wrist,it has a vein that leads to your heart.Anyways I agree with you and Lasura about the title.But I found it abit convenient to use it.
    Well... that was a morbid thought... -_^

    And as far as the title... I'm glad you did what you wanted..
    better to please yourself that anyone else.
    ... Not Ever Again...

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