Shodokan

I cut my wrist cause I think I have problems'

I like to wear black but I'm not a goth'

My face looks dead like a wide eyed corpse'

I wear nail polish and eye liner just like a queer'

I like linkin park cause they bitch more than me'

I'm more sad than a third nation kid with aids'

I'm so Emo

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TaurusDemon23

A classic. A matho fackin classic!! Emos need to quit whinin and smoke some weed dammit!

jaderabbit

I cut my wrist cause I think I have problems'
"i think" so are you not sure? i can't understand ur reasoning if you dont give a reason!
I like to wear black but I'm not a goth'
The original poem is about you being sad, but so far im not seeing anything sad, just someone that likes the color black"" theres no emphasis of saddness and the word "goth" is a middleage term an a style of music that has nothing to do with the color black to begin with.
My face looks dead like a wide eyed corpse'
wide eyed corpse you say? most people have regular sized eyes... no matter if they are dead or alive "unless they got into so terrible skin bone stretching accident !!"
I wear nail polish and eye liner just like a queer'
So i perceive from this your a boy, but ur different, but ur not gay? correct. But the things you talk abot are mostly womens products... wouldn't that make you more like you want to be a girl"" but not a guy that likes guys, perhaps u was treated badly in a way by ur family when u was growing up that u resented being a boy, or you was refuse by a girl and that is the reason.
I like linkin park cause they bitch more than me'
Off topic, this has nothing to do with the poems title and is misleading to the reader, theres no saddness just random blabber.
I'm more sad than a third nation kid with aids'
im sure a thrid nation kid or any kid with aids is sad, but you are healthy and they aren't this makes you seem less human and by denying your own humanity this makes you less than anything.
I'm so Emo
A bad ending this is not the grand conclusion is it?
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Sorry for being rough but your poem was awuful, it had no flow, and didn't even match up with what you originally titled it... infact i didn't feel like you was sad at all more like... depressed... which isn't sad"". Should be scrapped and remade to better fit the title.

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Kasai

Lol. Well, interesting descriminating remark in the fourth stanza. I'll have to agree with the Rabbit, except for the fact that I'd like to see more imagery.

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Abu Dhabi

^_^ my dad was taught how to properly slit your wrist when he was in the Marines training to go fight in Vietnam. Some guy tried to use attempted suicide as an escape.

the commander said... ^_^!

Anyway, i don't consider what you wrote a poem because their was no reason to write it. None.

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ketaro

well it was a kool free verse poem with no conclusion whatsoever.

Shodokan

So TaurusDemon23 is the only one who gets it?

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princesslady

to me your a wonding soul who is confused. you dont know what you want to do.
and you need to get over that and go pleasure yourself and come back to life.
thats what i get. if im wrong ohwell. i am bad at this

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BlueFox1

The only thing I would want to see is a little more imagery, but comment about bitching was perfect!

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solking

Sounds like someone was trying to make fun of someone else cause they are different to me. Its random lines with no plot. I give it a 1.2/10 cause it has words.

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Zackraa

I could give some imagery but you wouldnt like it its too short and not really descriptive

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