I Miss You

Star Girl · Oct 20, 2006, 12:16 PM

Any moment I could burst into tears
I feel so lonely without you here
Without you by my side
I miss you all the time
Your voice keeps me satisfied
I miss you every second your gone
You're my only real friend
To love and hold you is what I want

I need to know your doing fine
I want to speak to you
To hear you say you miss me too
Will you visit me tonight?

*BlueFox1* · Oct 20, 2006, 12:21 PM

The emotion of your loved one not being there is very clear in this poem, the only thing I would suggest structure wise would be to break it into stanzas between your and time, but other than that good job!

darkflames · Oct 20, 2006, 01:51 PM

nice poem that was pretty emotional. nice job.

*ketaro* · Oct 21, 2006, 05:33 AM

Nice poem Star Girl. Keep it up.

*Kasai* · Oct 21, 2006, 06:17 AM

Hmm. I didnt really enjoy the rhyme of the poem.

Oct 20, 2006, 12:16 PM	#1 (permalink)
Star Girl Otaku Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Terabithia Posts: 169 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	I Miss You Any moment I could burst into tears I feel so lonely without you here Without you by my side I miss you all the time Your voice keeps me satisfied I miss you every second your gone You're my only real friend To love and hold you is what I want I need to know your doing fine I want to speak to you To hear you say you miss me too Will you visit me tonight?
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Oct 20, 2006, 12:21 PM	#2 (permalink)
BlueFox1 Devoted Otaku Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: A place called Midnight Sun know as Tranquility Posts: 584 Thanks: 8 Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts	Re: I Miss You The emotion of your loved one not being there is very clear in this poem, the only thing I would suggest structure wise would be to break it into stanzas between your and time, but other than that good job! __________________
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Oct 20, 2006, 01:51 PM	#3 (permalink)
darkflames Otaku Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: hell Posts: 183 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: I Miss You nice poem that was pretty emotional. nice job. __________________
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Oct 21, 2006, 05:33 AM	#4 (permalink)
ketaro You's Trollin Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 4,287 Thanks: 30 Thanked 37 Times in 35 Posts	Re: I Miss You Nice poem Star Girl. Keep it up. __________________ O o /¯/___________________________ ________ IM'MA FIRIN' MAH LAZERZ! IBLAAAAAAA! \_\¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯ ¯ ¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
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Oct 21, 2006, 06:17 AM	#5 (permalink)
Kasai Domme Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Florida Posts: 2,745 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts	Re: I Miss You Hmm. I didnt really enjoy the rhyme of the poem. __________________ Seduced by Flesh
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