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Thread: I Miss YOU

  1. #1
    Newbie Travex is off to a good start
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    Unhappy I Miss YOU

    I Miss YOU

    When I say I miss you, I mean so much more than that
    I mean that I miss the soft lullaby that is your voice
    I miss the subtle scent that defines only you
    I mean I miss the sound of your giggle
    I miss the sight of your grin
    I mean I miss your touch
    I miss us talking
    I mean I
    I miss
    You



    Hey der, just started writing again, wanted to know what you guys think. would love some critical advice if you got any.
    kthnxbye

  2. #2
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    Re: I Miss YOU

    Quote Originally Posted by Travex View Post
    I Miss YOU

    When I say I miss you, I mean so much more than that
    I mean that I miss the soft lullaby that is your voice
    I miss the subtle scent that defines only you
    I mean I miss the sound of your giggle
    I miss the sight of your grin
    I mean I miss your touch
    I miss us talking
    I mean I
    I miss
    You



    Hey der, just started writing again, wanted to know what you guys think. would love some critical advice if you got any.
    kthnxbye
    I already read this in my PM, but I figured I'd give my two cents here anyway. I like it! It's short, sweet and to the point. I also like your 'fade-away' writing style. Very interesting. Definitely a keeper! ^_^ Kudos!


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    Otaku Tetsanosuke Kirikami is off to a good start Tetsanosuke Kirikami's Avatar
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    Re: I Miss YOU

    Fading, cool.

    But was their a rhythm? I couldn't catch one.

    If it faded and rhymed as well, I'd fine the fading thing catchy. It's unique and obviously stated different.

    I think spelling and such is in order.

    Neh, didn't tickle me but it works for you I guess.



    "Walk in with Reason, and leave with Passion."

  4. #4
    Newbie Travex is off to a good start
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    Re: I Miss YOU

    my love interest went to san jose for christmas and then on a cruise to hawaii. Prompted a unique poem i think

    It was just something i thought would be cool to do, alternate the startings "I mean I miss" and "I miss", and then slowly fade away, then it hit me i could make the ending the way that it is "I mean I, I miss, you".

    I tried rhyme but it just wasn't flowing right so i just went with what i had. Really is a compromise between my want for a unique poem, and expressing all the things i miss about her.

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