Thread: I Miss YOU

Originally Posted by Travex

I Miss YOU

When I say I miss you, I mean so much more than that
I mean that I miss the soft lullaby that is your voice
I miss the subtle scent that defines only you
I mean I miss the sound of your giggle
I miss the sight of your grin
I mean I miss your touch
I miss us talking
I mean I
I miss
You



Hey der, just started writing again, wanted to know what you guys think. would love some critical advice if you got any.
kthnxbye

I already read this in my PM, but I figured I'd give my two cents here anyway. I like it! It's short, sweet and to the point. I also like your 'fade-away' writing style. Very interesting. Definitely a keeper! ^_^ Kudos!

Fading, cool.

But was their a rhythm? I couldn't catch one.

If it faded and rhymed as well, I'd fine the fading thing catchy. It's unique and obviously stated different.

I think spelling and such is in order.

Neh, didn't tickle me but it works for you I guess.

my love interest went to san jose for christmas and then on a cruise to hawaii. Prompted a unique poem i think

It was just something i thought would be cool to do, alternate the startings "I mean I miss" and "I miss", and then slowly fade away, then it hit me i could make the ending the way that it is "I mean I, I miss, you".

I tried rhyme but it just wasn't flowing right so i just went with what i had. Really is a compromise between my want for a unique poem, and expressing all the things i miss about her.