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Thread: I need your help You decide which version is best

  1. #1
    Banned beast may be famous one day beast may be famous one day beast's Avatar
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    I need your help You decide which version is best

    Self explanatory, I have two different version and I can't decide which one is best. They have the same lines just arranged differently. You decide which version is the best.
    Version 1.
    Rain flows down and down, from the sky it comes.
    A body shakes as though in cold snow.

    On knees near skid row
    The bills unpaid tend to grow
    As Job takes a blow

    The phone from debt collectors still drums.
    From their problems unsolved that do not go.
    ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
    Version 2.
    Rain flows down and down, from the sky it comes.
    The phone from debt collectors still drums.

    On knees near skid row
    The bills unpaid tend to grow
    As Job takes a blow

    A body shakes as though in cold snow.
    From their problems unsolved that do not go.
    Last edited by Hassun; Oct 09, 2009 at 03:35 PM.

  2. #2
    Newbie Japxican may be famous one day Japxican may be famous one day Japxican's Avatar
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    Re: I need your help You decide which version is best

    I'm gonna have to say version 1 because I think that the first general statement flows more smoothly into the specifics of bills and dept collectors. The "body shakes as though in cold snow" is related to the line about the rain, and dept collectors and "their problems" seem to relate to one another. In version 2, those lines which I mentioned don't relate to each other as well (as well as some of the grammar).

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