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Thread: I need your opinion on this poem

  1. #1
    Otaku powerxxx may be famous one day powerxxx may be famous one day powerxxx's Avatar
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    I need your opinion on this poem

    Until the limit of sorrow
    Even if you embrace Another
    You will never be able to become one

    If you are touched deep within by another
    It will only bring pain ,Not kindness

    I heard once
    " Please bind the two together "

    We are not dreaming any more
    When you're wavering , Take my hand

    And toward the harsh light of dawn
    We will begin to walk

    Are the words of truth where the real world lies?
    We still don't because we hide our shadows of silent light
    Even now

    In a cold dream , The moon casts a curse
    In a world where there are no words
    We speak about love
    Until the day that those words reach you
    I'll wait

    With my arms riddled in scars
    A wish strives to be a unbound from me
    And bound to you

    You knew in the past we loved each other
    And even if the beauty is tosed aside
    Tomorrow you can run towards a more beautiful night
    because the moon casts a curse
    In a cold dream

    I want to come to you
    Between your warm arms
    And hold on to you
    And go anywhere
    Untill i'm at a place where i can believe in love
    because there
    I can trully Love you
    -------
    i really need your opinions please , and any thoughts of how to improve it are welcomed , thanx for your time
    Power -xxx- aka -M.Ali
    I Fly Swiftly through the air
    I Spread My Wings Without A trace

  2. #2
    Stray Sheep Aya-kun may be famous one day Aya-kun may be famous one day Aya-kun's Avatar
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    Re: I need your opinion on this poem

    well.. it doesn't rhyme a lot. but-- it will do. not all poems need rhythmes ^_^
    the poem seems to be more of cold love with wanting to melt.. i think ^_^
    keep it up. This poem recites feelings and that is good. (n.n)
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  3. #3
    Otaku mixed fighter girl may be famous one day mixed fighter girl may be famous one day mixed fighter girl's Avatar
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    Re: I need your opinion on this poem

    i always like ur poems and this one is also very good...i like it my friend ^^ keep it up... ur poems always about love ^^
    .
    I will fight until i find what i'm looking for...you can not judge me on my apperence I am a Warrior. If you have a problem with me..... then my blades will meet your neck.

  4. #4
    Banned Alucard_Spriggan may be famous one day Alucard_Spriggan may be famous one day Alucard_Spriggan's Avatar
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    Re: I need your opinion on this poem

    This poem is deep and very well written. Keep up the great works friend.

  5. #5
    Inu-Yasha Fan Mega.Herz may be famous one day Mega.Herz may be famous one day Mega.Herz's Avatar
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    Re: I need your opinion on this poem

    It is fine...
    But yeah it doesn't ryme a lot...
    But who said they HAVE TO ryme, right...

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