+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: I saw her cry

  1. #1
    You's Trollin Pro Leafblower Champion, Helicopter Champion ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Posts
    4,293
    Thanks
    30
    Thanked 38 Times in 36 Posts

    I saw her cry

    I saw her cry
    My heart's beat stopped
    I felt sad
    Her sadness was awesome
    Like when you cut your veins with passion
    She is emo i thought
    But she wasn't that
    She was goth

    Ok this is a short poem that i think is kool. Please feel free to say whatever you want about this poem, i will take it as a reference to improve my emo poems. Thank you

  2. #2
    AO's Demon Slayer Hexxagon Champion, Match Stick Soccer Champion Blade X may be famous one day Blade X may be famous one day Blade X's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Protecting my loved one.
    Posts
    1,601
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Re: I saw her cry

    okay dude, first of all i get from this is tht all goths are depressing. No offense but i jus dnt get it apart from the fact tht she was sad. Sorri but it's jus 2 short even for a short poem. I feel like there's a start n end but there's no middle.

    Thanks for the siggy Ky-lyrra

  3. #3
    Otaku Mistress Isis may be famous one day Mistress Isis may be famous one day Mistress Isis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    um.......somewhere in ontario..
    Posts
    147
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Re: I saw her cry

    Quote Originally Posted by ketaro
    I saw her cry
    My heart's beat stopped
    I felt sad
    Her sadness was awesome
    Like when you cut your veins with passion
    She is emo i thought
    But she wasn't that
    She was goth

    Ok this is a short poem that i think is kool. Please feel free to say whatever you want about this poem, i will take it as a reference to improve my emo poems. Thank you
    thats....................interesting

    awesome sig, thanx aiora

  4. #4
    Otaku pigtaru may be famous one day pigtaru may be famous one day pigtaru's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Elk Grove, CA USA
    Posts
    408
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 4 Times in 4 Posts

    Re: I saw her cry

    Quote Originally Posted by ketaro
    I saw her cry
    My heart's beat stopped
    I felt sad
    Her sadness was awesome
    Like when you cut your veins with passion
    She is emo i thought
    But she wasn't that
    She was goth

    Ok this is a short poem that i think is kool. Please feel free to say whatever you want about this poem, i will take it as a reference to improve my emo poems. Thank you
    I'm not much of a poet, but shouldn't things be more wordy? I'm not impressed with the vocabulary...not that i could do any better...i'm not deep enough

    o~Piggy-san~o

  5. #5
    Warrior Monk kedar may be famous one day kedar may be famous one day kedar's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Monk Society
    Posts
    3,006
    Thanks
    3
    Thanked 10 Times in 10 Posts

    Re: I saw her cry

    Haha. Why do you always put that ::tounge-out:: smiley at the end? lol. Anyway! I can see where you are trying to take the meaning of your poem up to, but as an advice, I would ask you to elaborate a little more on this poem because it seems to me that there is something missing. Further elaboration on 'why' seeing her cry made you sad will probably be a neat addition. Enough of this criticism!

    All in all, I like the poem, Ketaro. Poems can be of any length just as long as they can convey the meaning in a cohesive way. Just keep writing and you will get a lot better, buddy. ^_^

  6. #6
    NalaMidnight Eggs Champion P.R. Princess may be famous one day P.R. Princess may be famous one day P.R. Princess's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    929
    Thanks
    6
    Thanked 20 Times in 19 Posts

    Re: I saw her cry

    I like it
    but it needs something I cant say what but it needs something

    ~Falling in love one step at a time~
    ~ MYSPACE~AWESOME PLACE TO SAVE~

  7. #7
    You's Trollin Pro Leafblower Champion, Helicopter Champion ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Posts
    4,293
    Thanks
    30
    Thanked 38 Times in 36 Posts

    Re: I saw her cry

    hahahahhaah thank you guys, you can understand emo poems only if you are emo i guess.

+ Reply to Thread

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts