Thread: I saw her cry

okay dude, first of all i get from this is tht all goths are depressing. No offense but i jus dnt get it apart from the fact tht she was sad. Sorri but it's jus 2 short even for a short poem. I feel like there's a start n end but there's no middle.

Originally Posted by ketaro

I saw her cry
My heart's beat stopped
I felt sad
Her sadness was awesome
Like when you cut your veins with passion
She is emo i thought
But she wasn't that
She was goth

Ok this is a short poem that i think is kool. Please feel free to say whatever you want about this poem, i will take it as a reference to improve my emo poems. Thank you

thats....................interesting

Originally Posted by ketaro

I saw her cry
My heart's beat stopped
I felt sad
Her sadness was awesome
Like when you cut your veins with passion
She is emo i thought
But she wasn't that
She was goth

Ok this is a short poem that i think is kool. Please feel free to say whatever you want about this poem, i will take it as a reference to improve my emo poems. Thank you

I'm not much of a poet, but shouldn't things be more wordy? I'm not impressed with the vocabulary...not that i could do any better...i'm not deep enough

Haha. Why do you always put that ::tounge-out:: smiley at the end? lol. Anyway! I can see where you are trying to take the meaning of your poem up to, but as an advice, I would ask you to elaborate a little more on this poem because it seems to me that there is something missing. Further elaboration on 'why' seeing her cry made you sad will probably be a neat addition. Enough of this criticism!

All in all, I like the poem, Ketaro. Poems can be of any length just as long as they can convey the meaning in a cohesive way. Just keep writing and you will get a lot better, buddy. ^_^

I like it
but it needs something I cant say what but it needs something

hahahahhaah thank you guys, you can understand emo poems only if you are emo i guess.