I could definately relate. The one and only love in my life did the same things to me. I didnt think i could live after i lost her. Then as i struggled along, several years later, i passed out on my floor stoned and drunk, it took my stomach getting pumped and several years of therapy just to get all the crazy shit off my chest. I know your life seems hopeless right now, cause trust me, ive been there, but its certainly not the end. If youve got some good freinds by your side, theres never any hopelessness.