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Thread: i want you

  1. #1
    Otaku Celebrity Fight Club Champion itachigirl is off to a good start
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    i want you

    i look intently every day,
    over my shoulder,
    across the room,
    behind me,
    every where,
    searching for u,
    hoping someday my gaze might meet yours,
    then maybe our hands might meet,
    then maybe our cheeks will brush against each other,
    then our lips will meet,

    oh god,
    look back at me,
    is it so hard,
    just give me a simple smile,
    to ease my everlasting pain,
    just smile, babe, so i might move on,
    but your face,
    your voice,
    your body,
    all echoes and haunts my head,
    i think im now brain dead,

    i want u so bad,
    im losing my mind,
    i feel insane,
    im crazy on you,
    about you,
    what do u think i think about at night?
    besides you?

  2. #2
    Otaku Zeikku Shadow is off to a good start Zeikku Shadow's Avatar
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    Re: i want you

    Very nice. The passion and longing is there for us to see. Thanks for sharing your words with us.

  3. #3
    Otaku Celebrity Fight Club Champion itachigirl is off to a good start
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    Re: i want you

    thanx, im beaming with pleasure all of it kinda just flowed outta me, it was cool though. im glad u liked it.

  4. #4
    Angelic Lasura may be famous one day Lasura's Avatar
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    Re: i want you

    Hmm... interesting. I really, really love the first strazna- it's a bit scary, a bit haunting, a bit sad and so passionate.

    The second stranza is good too, I only don't understand the last line: "I think im now brain dead"... it's really oddly written and I think you should fix that And "crazy on you" in the last stranza also seems kinda odd, but then again- who am I to say- English is not my native language

    The last, last line also seemed odd, but, now when I read it again, it's quite ok ^^

    Anyways... it was interesting to read this. I really liked the first line. I hope to see more! ^^

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

  5. #5
    Otaku Celebrity Fight Club Champion itachigirl is off to a good start
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    Re: i want you

    the brain dead thing shows that im only thinking of him, and not anything else, making me a little stupid and stoic. like a zombie... then the crazy on you is kinda odd, your right. that's based on a heart song.

  6. #6
    Angelic Lasura may be famous one day Lasura's Avatar
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    Re: i want you

    oh ^^ that explains it.... And yea... I understood what it ment... it just seemed quite odd ^^ but ok- it's poetry anyways! Poetry is the place where you create new words and sayings. Some of the most beautiful latvian words came from poetry

    Hope to see more ^^

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

  7. #7
    Otaku Celebrity Fight Club Champion itachigirl is off to a good start
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    Re: i want you

    oh, sorry..if i offended u. thanx anyway.^/u\^im very eccentric so i do write kinda odd.^/0\^

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