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Thread: As I wrote this.

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    As I wrote this.

    I am sorry first and foremost
    to all the other poets who's work goes without my feedback.
    I only want to take my seat back.

    As I am too overwhelmed and chaotic.
    Seemingly neurotic,
    and distracted by erotic...

    ...thoughts too much.
    Thighs I touch.
    I think about myself.

    And him, I follow on the internet.
    Though I only walk on digital lines I wish to tread...
    ... within my head.

    And In your existence...
    I may be just a whisper at a distance.
    For an instance, if anything.

    A user name upon your screen.
    Annoying lover. Lucid dream.
    Or exactly what... I... seem.

    I can feel it trickle. Feel it tingle.
    They ask me If I'm single.
    I am, and still I'm bound.

    Able to adhere so sound.
    to a love I haven't found.
    And yet its in this love I drowned.

    So, sorry for no feedback on the poetry.
    I'm busy sinking in a sea.
    Of loving you and touching me.
    ... Not Ever Again...

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    RayMe (Mar 17, 2009)

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    Re: As I worte this.

    Wow! Umm... Wow! LOL.

    The rhyme scheme works, yet, I wonder: Why the apology for the lack of poetry comments? I have a habit of not commenting when I receive comments, and I'm trying to get in the habit of returning the favor, myself.

    Anywho, now that I've strayed from the point; good work!


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    Re: As I worte this.

    Well, The poem was intended to be thoughts that crossed my mind as I wrote the poem. And going into writing a poem on this forum. I am almost always feeling like a jerk for not commenting on the poems written before mine that caught my eye.
    ... Not Ever Again...

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    Re: As I worte this.

    Able to adhere so sound.
    to a love I haven't found.
    And yet its in this love I drowned
    Love this one here...

    This poem got a weak start... but then it goes stronger... and i love the rhyme schemes.. it was very nice ^^ I could never do good rhyming poems.. >.< it's too.. how to say.. umm.. forced.. yes thats the word i tend to force the rhymes

    Umm.. you don't need to apologize for that.. i understand it alright.. because im in the same situation as you plus... i have no net at home >.<

    Good job peachy loved it ^^ Kudos to you

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    Re: As I worte this.

    I agree with RayMe
    Its a little weak starting off, but gets more poerful as it goes along.
    I really like it.
    Great job!
    "You think you know me...? You have no idea."

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    Re: As I wrote this.

    I agree with RayMe as well; it did start of a little weaker that in should, but it did become more powerful as it went along. I have to admit, you may just be a better writer than I... But, it won't matter in the long run, now will it?

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    Re: As I wrote this.

    Sweet I love this poem! I lauged.. I cried... I saved five bucks!! (that was my favorite part) Anyway back to the poem, I was also one of those people who liked how you were able the make the rhythm and rhyming just flow together.

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    Re: As I wrote this.

    atomik_sprout took the LOL right out of my mouth. I don't really write poetry anymore, so I don't know if I'd be any good at it (my poetry teacher made me continue writing poems over and over again saying she should make them into a book, but it ended up just making my hand sore and making me hate writing poetry.)

    More on topic, this poem made me laugh extremely hard. I needed that. It's still a very nice poem though, and too true to most people who spend alot of time on the internet.

    Good job.
    What? You've never seen a talking cabbage before? Well, if you were a bit more open minded, then maybe you WOULD have.

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