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Thread: If I die

  1. #1
    Newbie missbad818 is off to a good start missbad818's Avatar
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    If I die

    If I die
    would you feel remorse?
    Or has my darkened heart
    Turned that light of love into to hatred?
    Would you cry?
    Would you hold me tight
    like you never did before?

    Our would you simply
    laugh at my demise?
    Would you stomp on my grave?
    Would you sing songs of sweet,
    sweet relief?

    Has my soul been such a burden?
    Have I not cared for so long?
    Did I ever love?[/CENTER]
    Hard work never killed anybody but why try it.

  2. #2
    Otaku Robo Soccer Champion, Gorillaz Groove Session Champion blackrose92 is off to a good start blackrose92's Avatar
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    Re: If I die

    your poem flow was kinda off and if you were trying to have a rhyme scheme but other than that it seems really good ^^ but i dont think you should end every other line with a question its kinda redundant
    I'm the best you'll ever have because i am that f*ing AMA-zing chic who can stand on her own d*n feet and becasue of you I am the Greatest Thank you so much SasuraiHell and Gwen

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    Newbie jonny is off to a good start jonny's Avatar
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    Re: If I die

    i think this was good i mean i seen a lot of songs from freinds and family but i think this is one of the best
    jonny boy

  4. #4
    THUMBSUCKING ADDICTION Mr. K is making a name for themselves Mr. K is making a name for themselves Mr. K's Avatar
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    Re: If I die

    SHORT!

    Besides that come with more of a different filled not something I hear everyday in teenage angst. [I think I spelt that wrong]

    Anywho!

    It has meaning and that is what counts!

    Nice.
    ≥°≤ [?] █▓▒░░▒▓█ [?] ≥°≤
    You know how you drown a blonde, Rosalie? Glue a mirror to the bottom of a pool.
    Jacob Black, Breaking Dawn, Chapter 14, p.271
    Lamie Hynamen "I reject your reality and substitute my own."

  5. #5
    Newbie missbad818 is off to a good start missbad818's Avatar
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    Re: If I die

    well thank you for telling me what i've done wrong so that hopefully i won't make the same mistakes.
    and i think i was actually in a good mood when i wrote this so...
    Last edited by missbad818; Apr 11, 2009 at 04:41 PM.
    Hard work never killed anybody but why try it.

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