Thread: If I were...

Yeah... the ending is a little... funny... No it's not! I'm laughing my head off here!!! But it's not bad, it makes it all a little more sarcastic, sometimes it's good to break smth. off like that.
I adore this poem, it's so nice... Great to see people who are willing to change the world!!!! My favourite art is:

Man, if I were a woman,
I'd be a total lesbian!
Because I love girls too much,
and I don't have sex with men.

Again becuse it was funny and made me forget about being all serious and stuff in this world.
Nice work Sprout, nice work indeed!

Originally Posted by atomik_sprout

*I couldn't think of anything good to end this, so sorry if the last part kinda sucks. >_<*

If I were a teacher,
I would teach the world to love.
Just like a certain shaggy Jew
who's watching from above.

If I were a rapper,
I would break the stunna shades
of all you self-proclaimed "ballers"
who brainwash the under-aged.

And if I were a sword,
I'd cut through your enemies.
If they try to rob you, I'll
teach them a little courtesy.

Man, if I were a woman,
I'd be a total lesbian!
Because I love girls too much,
and I don't have sex with men.

Yo, if I were a pen,
I would write your every thought.
Every dream you've ever had,
every thing that you "forgot."

If I were your man,
would you keep me in your heart?
Or would you ditch me once you're bored
Just as quickly as a fart?

*again: sorry about the ending. i couldn't think of anything else. ~S*

Damn x_x! This was pretty good until the last stanza, and it went whewwwwwwwwww~~~ splat! The rapper one was great and the lesbian one was even better! Once again it all went splat when it got sappy, but you manage to redeem the poem with a fart joke...

Thanks! I'm glad you guys liked it. ^_^ I'm thinking of changing the ending, I just don't know what to do with it yet, but if I do, I'll let you know.

i liked this poem alot its very creative , sometimes
i wish i could be as humorous with my poems i have tried
i think but im nt as good at funny stuff as others.

but you did really greeat on the poem i cant wait
to read another

Originally Posted by HolderOfTheDarkChalice

i liked this poem alot its very creative , sometimes
i wish i could be as humorous with my poems i have tried
i think but im nt as good at funny stuff as others.

but you did really greeat on the poem i cant wait
to read another

Thanks a bunch. It really means a lot to me. ^_^

Originally Posted by atomik_sprout

*I couldn't think of anything good to end this, so sorry if the last part kinda sucks. >_<*

If I were a teacher,
I would teach the world to love.
Just like a certain shaggy Jew
who's watching from above.

If I were a rapper,
I would break the stunna shades
of all you self-proclaimed "ballers"
who brainwash the under-aged.

And if I were a sword,
I'd cut through your enemies.
If they try to rob you, I'll
teach them a little courtesy.

Man, if I were a woman,
I'd be a total lesbian!
Because I love girls too much,
and I don't have sex with men.

Yo, if I were a pen,
I would write your every thought.
Every dream you've ever had,
every thing that you "forgot."

If I were your man,
would you keep me in your heart?
Or would you ditch me once you're bored
Just as quickly as a fart?

*again: sorry about the ending. i couldn't think of anything else. ~S*

The end made me giggle. I like it, think about it some more and you can fix the ending. I feel like it's not done anyways so maybe you should give it time and finish it.

a'ight I dont usually comment on your work... I keep my comments to you hidden elsewhere (like my deranged mind). But this....

Its great... If I shove all my PERSONAL feelings way down... then I can honestly say this is one of my new AO favs.

And the end... perfect... wouldn't change a word.