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Thread: I'll Walk

  1. #1
    Hell Enforcer George Wants Beer Champion, Monkey Cliff Diving Champion, Tilt 2 Champion hellknight may be famous one day hellknight may be famous one day hellknight's Avatar
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    I'll Walk

    As I walk into the shadows
    Of my own death
    I walk into it,
    But they won't take my breath

    I'll walk in the snow
    Into the ice cold
    I'll remain strong
    I'll never grew so old

    I walk into the fire
    Never feel the passion burning
    Don't ever call me a lair
    My spirit is never turning

    I'll walk in the rain
    In a storm's of thunder
    Sparks of lightning
    Puts me in a whole lot of pressure.

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    Newbie fredsboo is off to a good start fredsboo's Avatar
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    Re: I'll Walk

    I liked this one to you cn write poem good hope to c more
    Im the type of girl who burst out laughing in silents about something that happened yesterday

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    Banned levitatinganimelover is off to a good start levitatinganimelover's Avatar
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    Re: I'll Walk

    thats really good!u should try to get ur stuff published cuz id buy that stuff

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    Hell Enforcer George Wants Beer Champion, Monkey Cliff Diving Champion, Tilt 2 Champion hellknight may be famous one day hellknight may be famous one day hellknight's Avatar
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    Re: I'll Walk

    Thanks Fredsboo and Lev, I like the elements in this poem though it gave a great effort in it.

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    super effective Last Man Standing Champion FLawEdmiNd may be famous one day FLawEdmiNd may be famous one day FLawEdmiNd's Avatar
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    Re: I'll Walk

    Neh, some of the rhymes didn't fit very well. Was the thing you were trying to articulate death? Or just struggle?

    It's got good ground and some okay wordings, but it needs work.
    the love you withhold is the pain you carry.

  6. #6
    「Someone」 Goo Slasher Champion, Fish Kill Champion, Rapid Motion Champion, Cell-Out Champion, Sober Santa 2 Champion, Flower Girl Champion KuwiRules145 is off to a good start KuwiRules145's Avatar
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    Re: I'll Walk

    Your POEMS RULE! I really do like poems. Looking for more in the future ok. Stay happy Everyone and smile for everyone.

    Staying a live makes me happy
    Living causes nothing but pain
    You happiness my come from anything like taffy
    Just please don't blame
    「When I'm sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead」

  7. #7
    Shichibukai JefferyXie may be famous one day JefferyXie may be famous one day JefferyXie's Avatar
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    Re: I'll Walk

    I could feel every word that is written in the story.Mainly it was the imagery that achieved this.The repition of the "I'll" in my opinion makes the reader either feel as if they were the person in the poem or could empathise with the poem.I like it.

  8. #8
    Otaku AngelFlow may be famous one day AngelFlow may be famous one day
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    Re: I'll Walk

    I thought it was pretty good. Not the best I've read but still good. It started good but I thought the last sentence didn't really fit in with the rest.

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