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遁走 より 本当 Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Inside Reality & Serenity
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![]() ![]() Credits: 3,385 | Inverted Twilight A tribute to my username- I haven't made a poem in a while, so I thought I should write a poem so that my mind doesn't rot away. lol Inverted Twilight The Shadow of light… A black light. Parallel Darkness. Something within nothing Nothing within something The darkness surrounded by light, And the light surrounded by darkness I am the smiling sadness inside paradox A strand of hopelessness aided with faith I am sequential randomness The holder of Parallel opposites The white shade Not Twilight, not light, not dark Something that is nothing Inverted twilight Everything, but parallel to nothing The opposite of inverted eternity And everything’s other The thing that is forward and backwards The Bright Shadow, And the Inverted Twilight.
__________________ ![]() Last edited by BrightShadow_96; Jun 18, 2006 at 04:08 PM. |
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Cheetos Overlord Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: The World
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![]() ![]() Credits: 7,474 | Re: Inverted Twilight too many i am's iam's i am's i am's just made me wanna quit half way through it. u need to work on this most poeple that write peoms make the same mistake so its not a biggy. U want ur poem to have a flow, but u dont want to use the same words over and over, its veyr repiticous and annoying. try this for example. >>> Something within nothing The nothing within something Darkness surrounded by light, Light surrounded by darkness The smiling sadness within paradox Strands of nothing bound by fate Sequential randomness Holder of Parallel opposites i actual like it that way, its a very unqiue poem, just needs touch ups.
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遁走 より 本当 Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Inside Reality & Serenity
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![]() ![]() Credits: 3,385 | Re: Inverted Twilight Yeah, I noticed the I am's and I edited it so that it doesn't have as many.. lol Thanx for the tips- I'll keep them in mind. ![]()
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Diamond in the Rough Join Date: May 2006 Location: Streets of Compton,
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![]() ![]() Credits: 506 | Re: Inverted Twilight There was so much darkness and light and shadow..Kinda lowerd this poems full ability, But I still enjoy reading your work! Ill see your next work!! ![]() |
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