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Old Jun 17, 2006, 09:41 PM   #1 (permalink)
遁走 より 本当
 
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Inverted Twilight

A tribute to my username- I haven't made a poem in a while, so I thought I should write a poem so that my mind doesn't rot away. lol



Inverted Twilight



The Shadow of light…
A black light.
Parallel Darkness.

Something within nothing
Nothing within something
The darkness surrounded by light,
And the light surrounded by darkness

I am the smiling sadness inside paradox
A strand of hopelessness aided with faith
I am sequential randomness
The holder of Parallel opposites

The white shade
Not Twilight, not light, not dark
Something that is nothing
Inverted twilight

Everything, but parallel to nothing
The opposite of inverted eternity
And everything’s other
The thing that is forward and backwards

The Bright Shadow,
And the Inverted Twilight.
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Old Jun 17, 2006, 10:10 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Re: Inverted Twilight

too many i am's iam's i am's i am's just made me wanna quit half way through it.
u need to work on this most poeple that write peoms make the same mistake so its not a biggy.

U want ur poem to have a flow, but u dont want to use the same words over and over, its veyr repiticous and annoying.

try this for example.
>>>
Something within nothing
The nothing within something
Darkness surrounded by light,
Light surrounded by darkness

The smiling sadness within paradox
Strands of nothing bound by fate
Sequential randomness
Holder of Parallel opposites

i actual like it that way, its a very unqiue poem, just needs touch ups.
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Old Jun 18, 2006, 04:10 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Re: Inverted Twilight

Yeah, I noticed the I am's and I edited it so that it doesn't have as many.. lol Thanx for the tips- I'll keep them in mind.
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Old Jun 18, 2006, 05:29 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Re: Inverted Twilight

i thought it was good.
keep it up.
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Old Jun 18, 2006, 05:36 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Re: Inverted Twilight

There was so much darkness and light and shadow..Kinda lowerd this poems full ability, But I still enjoy reading your work! Ill see your next work!!
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