Inside and deeply burning
A hurricane is bleakly churning
Hanging loosely on a thread
At knife point, the blade red
So caught up in what is bad
Blind to the world and happiness had
Self-imposed exile, out the door
Bending herself into a plastic-fake whore
She stands herself up only to fall down
Chasing a Jack with a fool’s gold crown
Lying inside about her nonfeeling
All her happiness the world is stealing
She always tries to build it back up
Dodging the camera, no closeup
Restlessly walking not with a sound
Something wrong, her heart in the ground
---
Well, I've written quite a bit while I wasn't on.
So I guess I'll post something here or there.
Enjoy
Last edited by FLawEdmiNd; Feb 18, 2008 at 07:08 PM.
the love you withhold is the pain you carry.
I dunno why but I always like reading your poems... I guess it must be your style. Rhyming worked verywell and my only critique in that regard would be that you might possibly swap the rhyming scheme for the last stanza (or paired cuplet) just to let the audience know that it's over, unless you don't mean for it to be so I guess it works both ways... very good poem especially since it twists the allusion to Jack & Jill in an interesting way.
... and join my rebellion against time.
I enjoyed this one a lot! I loved the rhyiming and the nursery rhyme feel. You've got a unique style of writing. I like that. Keep up the good work, I hope to read more!
I didn't feel nursery rhymey but that's because I only ever read the sugary versions of any of them. HOWEVER I like the whole dark rhymey poem a lot. It's really good. I like the wording and feel of the general poem. I will look forward to reading more from ya'.
You never really loved me/You never really cared/It was all just a game to boost your ego/Those feelings never really there/ I'm filing emotional bankruptcy/My heart can take no more debt/Theres no more "money" there to spend. === Besides tee hee SHE loves me!
Posting Permissions
LinkBack URL
About LinkBacks
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks