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Thread: Just An Act

  1. #1
    §-Breakdown-§ Breakout Champion, Bubble Popper Champion Akura13 may be famous one day Akura13's Avatar
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    Just An Act

    I was planing on putting this other poem I had in mind up, but I'm afraid to...so I made this instead! It's my first attempt in rhyming poems...I hope I did well...^^
    _________________________

    He is the sun.
    She is the rain.
    Everytime I see him,
    She's with him again.
    I fake a smile,
    He asks if I'm alright.
    I tell him I'm fine,
    Even if I'm dieing inside.
    He's always with her...
    How does he expect me to feel?
    Like everythings perfect?
    Like it's all not real?
    I hope one day,
    You see through her act.
    She never felt anything for you,
    She's just a lying rat.
    I will pray for you,
    Every day and night.
    And I hope that very soon,
    Realization will run through your mind.

    _________________________
    Dang, that last line was horrible...oh well.
    And, just so you know, this is not a poem about love.
    It's just a letter from a concerned friend.



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    Otaku Robo Soccer Champion, Gorillaz Groove Session Champion blackrose92 is off to a good start blackrose92's Avatar
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    Re: Just An Act

    hey it was good at the beginning but your details need to be descriptive, like actually explain how he made you feel or your anger towards the girl hes with and with adding details you can make the poem longer and flow alot better.
    but since it was your first ryming poem you did alright^^
    i hope to read more of your work =]
    remember practice makes perfect!^-^
    I'm the best you'll ever have because i am that f*ing AMA-zing chic who can stand on her own d*n feet and becasue of you I am the Greatest Thank you so much SasuraiHell and Gwen

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    Fish Fingers & Custard Ice Hockey Champion, Smaugs Treasure Champion, Mini Putt 3 Champion, Ant Tracks Champion, Jungle Hunt Champion, Madnetics Champion, Manole Champion, Blokken Champion, Fast Food Fiasco Champion, Shapes Hifters Champion, Mud and Blood: Vietnam Champion HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice's Avatar
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    Re: Just An Act

    very awesome poem and some people are just blind to
    the obviouse which is sad but hopefully they will come around
    if they think about it hard enough , love can be so frustrating
    and this poem shows that.
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons
    I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and a voice of reason
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices son
    They're one in the same, I must isolate you...
    Isolate and save you from yourself

  4. #4
    §-Breakdown-§ Breakout Champion, Bubble Popper Champion Akura13 may be famous one day Akura13's Avatar
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    Re: Just An Act

    hey it was good at the beginning but your details need to be descriptive, like actually explain how he made you feel or your anger towards the girl hes with and with adding details you can make the poem longer and flow alot better.
    but since it was your first ryming poem you did alright^^
    i hope to read more of your work =]
    remember practice makes perfect!^-^
    Yeah, the only reason I didn't add any detail (like i usually do) is because I was mainly concentrateing on rhyming. ^^' but thanks for the tips! ^^

    very awesome poem and some people are just blind to
    the obviouse which is sad but hopefully they will come around
    if they think about it hard enough , love can be so frustrating
    and this poem shows that.
    Awww, thank you so much! I'm glad some people actually read my poems! ^^



    Phantasmagoria Lives On In The Hearts Of Their Fans, Japanese AND English!
    "Because it's okay to hide your tears." - LM.C (Lovely Mocochang)

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