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Thread: Just mind your own.

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    Devoted Otaku bratling may be famous one day bratling's Avatar
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    Just mind your own.

    Just mind your own buisness everyone,
    EVERYONE! Just leave me alone.
    Alone in my misery and my pain,
    Pain no one will ever understand.
    UNDERSTAND that you know nothing,
    Nothing about who I really am or could be.
    Be nothing, anymore to me because it's what I diserve.
    I diserve this because it's been all my doing,
    Doings that Karma chose to rehash and bring back.
    Back before I was contented with you.
    You, before lost trust and lack of protection.
    Protection being the only thing that I craved,
    Craved because trust has never been built and unabused.
    Abused by lack of care and attention to detail.
    Detail always muddles things up. So let me be.
    Be nothing that I have always wanted.
    Want to slip away into the mist,
    Misty darkness envolope me, don't remember me,
    Just let me -not- be.

    You never really loved me/You never really cared/It was all just a game to boost your ego/Those feelings never really there/ I'm filing emotional bankruptcy/My heart can take no more debt/Theres no more "money" there to spend. === Besides tee hee SHE loves me!

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    Lost in confusion Tetrix 2 v2 Champion Sazzy is making a name for themselves Sazzy is making a name for themselves Sazzy's Avatar
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    Re: Just mind your own.

    I really like the use of the repeat of last word of the previous line to start the new line. It helped enforce what you were feeling within the poem. I was expecting to see a series of important words in Capitals like you have done near the start but it didn't get carried out. It would have helped add some more meaning if there a little message with the poem itself.

    It was really a heart felt poem about being left alone because no one really fully understands how one feels and ends up getting hurt by the people who were trying to help. That is something I can relate to and although I had to admit that pushing them away didn't help either it something that one must realise on your own.

    It really was a good poem bratling and I do hope to see more of your work.
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    Mathematical!! Bugz Champion, Ant Bully Champion, Chainsaw the childern Champion, 3D Net Blazer Champion, Cricket Challenge Champion, Big Uglies Champion, Body Check Champion, Desktop Fishing Champion, All Star Skate Park Champion, Chuckie Egg Champion, Birdy Champion, Anthrax Jelly Champion, Air Typer Champion, Word Pads Champion, Crash Test Dummy Curling Champion, The Mini Jump Game Champion, Chairlift Challenge Champion, Astroboy vs One Bad Storm Champion, Fight Man Champion, Blot In Hell Champion, Beeku Adventure Champion, Connect2 Champion, Atomica Champion, Cannonball Follies 2 Champion, Bada Boing Champion, BeachDefence Champion, Alkie Kong 2 Champion atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout's Avatar
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    Re: Just mind your own.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sazzy View Post
    I really like the use of the repeat of last word of the previous line to start the new line. It helped enforce what you were feeling within the poem. I was expecting to see a series of important words in Capitals like you have done near the start but it didn't get carried out. It would have helped add some more meaning if there a little message with the poem itself.

    It was really a heart felt poem about being left alone because no one really fully understands how one feels and ends up getting hurt by the people who were trying to help. That is something I can relate to and although I had to admit that pushing them away didn't help either it something that one must realise on your own.

    It really was a good poem bratling and I do hope to see more of your work.
    I have to agree with Sazzy on this one. It was brilliantly written. The structure was iffy like the last one, i think it's just because it's all one big stanza; but still good none-the-less.

    You could've added more words in all caps to fully express what you feel/felt though. But other than that, it's all good! Keep it up, hon!


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    Devoted Otaku bratling may be famous one day bratling's Avatar
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    Re: Just mind your own.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sazzy View Post
    I really like the use of the repeat of last word of the previous line to start the new line. It helped enforce what you were feeling within the poem. I was expecting to see a series of important words in Capitals like you have done near the start but it didn't get carried out. It would have helped add some more meaning if there a little message with the poem itself.

    It was really a heart felt poem about being left alone because no one really fully understands how one feels and ends up getting hurt by the people who were trying to help. That is something I can relate to and although I had to admit that pushing them away didn't help either it something that one must realise on your own.

    It really was a good poem bratling and I do hope to see more of your work.
    Quote Originally Posted by atomik_sprout View Post
    I have to agree with Sazzy on this one. It was brilliantly written. The structure was iffy like the last one, i think it's just because it's all one big stanza; but still good none-the-less.

    You could've added more words in all caps to fully express what you feel/felt though. But other than that, it's all good! Keep it up, hon!
    When I decided to structure like this I was really personally amused and thus I didn't worry about stanzas or anything like that. Although I now think I could break it up somewhat easily.

    I agree with both of you on the capitals. I didn't really...realize I guess I had started it. And didn't feel enough frustration to continue it. Maybe I will revise it and break it up into stanzas and emphisize better.

    Sazzy: the fact that I know they really just want to help and lend a hand despite not realizing they hurt me too or make things more confusing or whatever, is the only thing that's kept me from being an entire hermit in general. I have distanced myself from those who seemed most detrimemtal to my piece of mind and my life. But the most important figures I have an impossible time getting rid of anyways. True friends, will fight for that title. And mine have.

    You never really loved me/You never really cared/It was all just a game to boost your ego/Those feelings never really there/ I'm filing emotional bankruptcy/My heart can take no more debt/Theres no more "money" there to spend. === Besides tee hee SHE loves me!

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