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Old Jun 13, 2006, 04:17 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Just a thought

A thought, a soothing memory
A happy place that colorless ice ensconces
A better time and place than here and now
No tears, no words, just a razor
Don’t be that way

I have been where you are now
An eternity devoid of light, filled with muffled sound
The blade pressed against the skin
The only real sensation
True decay of self

I have seen what you have seen
I have cut where you have cut
And for every drop of blood I bled, thinking to save myself
The ice grew thicker still
Put it down

I thrashed
I flailed
I cursed
I failed
I railed against my unimportance
Throw it all away

Stop
Walk outside
Breathe, and smile
Life is not hard
Life is not pain
Life simply is
You are alive
Someday, you might come to enjoy it
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Old Jun 13, 2006, 08:34 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Re: Just a thought

I thought it rock'd and was a type of poetry that entertains my thoughts until you got to about here:

I thrashed
I flailed
I cursed
I failed
I railed against my unimportance
Throw it all away

Stop
Walk outside
Breathe, and smile
Life is not hard
Life is not pain
Life simply is
You are alive
Someday, you might come to enjoy it


I think this not belong with it. Its two different beats in one song. Like mixing Blue Grass with Instrumental. You should definetly revise. And go back to the mind set you were on when you started it. Remember a poem doesn't always take like a shot in the dark or can be filled in one sitting. Take time and finish it the way it should have been!
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Old Jun 13, 2006, 09:43 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Re: Just a thought

^ ^Nice poem! Was realy intresting to read!!

^^oo you also have a intriging poem.

especially this phrase:
Quote:
I railed against my unimportance
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