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Thread: Keeping You're Love Away!

  1. #1
    Fish Fingers & Custard Ice Hockey Champion, Smaugs Treasure Champion, Mini Putt 3 Champion, Ant Tracks Champion, Jungle Hunt Champion, Madnetics Champion, Manole Champion, Blokken Champion, Fast Food Fiasco Champion, Shapes Hifters Champion, Mud and Blood: Vietnam Champion HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice's Avatar
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    Keeping You're Love Away!

    The time it has passed and evrything is gone
    what to do,where to go,what to say ,it's all
    meaningless now. It's true i did say i love you
    Its true i promiced you my love but time's
    have changed nothing and last's forever my feeling's
    they arn't the same.
    These tears you think they are for you! but there
    not there for life a life that i thought i could change
    it sound's cruel to you i know but i am being honest
    with myself and you should see this and not have anger
    for my life .
    As i walk away from you i hear the word's you
    speak but my heart shut's them out the love i have
    for you is forever locked away never to come out
    then i drift away for ever never looking back
    the life i have chosen has engulfed my life
    completley.....And then i am gone.


    i hope this poem is a bit better than the last one i posted
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons
    I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and a voice of reason
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices son
    They're one in the same, I must isolate you...
    Isolate and save you from yourself

  2. #2
    You's Trollin Pro Leafblower Champion, Helicopter Champion ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro's Avatar
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    Re: Keeping You're Love Away!

    *claps* that was a nice poem man, keep it up man.

  3. #3
    Devoted Otaku Nympho may be famous one day Nympho may be famous one day Nympho's Avatar
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    Re: Keeping You're Love Away!

    This sounds like a confession. Or a diary entry. But i like it. Your clearly venting out frustration but calmly. A few grammer errors. But it was still pretty good. Maybe you should put it more in depth.

    I'm a glass child. I am Hannah's regrets. Monster.

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    Elie Jelly elie26 may be famous one day elie26 may be famous one day elie26's Avatar
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    Re: Keeping You're Love Away!

    yea....i agree with nympho...
    it's a bit messy...but i like it 7/10

  5. #5
    Mercenary SousukeSagara may be famous one day SousukeSagara may be famous one day SousukeSagara's Avatar
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    Re: Keeping You're Love Away!

    I guess it's more better than the last one..... Gives you a four stars ranking.....

  6. The Following User Says Thank You to SousukeSagara For This Useful Post:

    HolderOfTheDarkChalice (Feb 03, 2010)

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    Otaku Arnys Battle 2 Champion sora the king of dreams may be famous one day sora the king of dreams may be famous one day sora the king of dreams's Avatar
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    Re: Keeping You're Love Away!

    wow that was the best poem I've ever seen in a while thats really impressive keep it up

    I live in the shadows and I am as fast as the speed of light, but I use my ability's to help people even though they fear me for who I am.

    A Brand new Theme song for all my friends who use to come to Ao and the People that still come's to Ao.
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    AO's Demon Slayer Hexxagon Champion, Match Stick Soccer Champion Blade X may be famous one day Blade X may be famous one day Blade X's Avatar
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    Re: Keeping You're Love Away!

    I can see where the start n end of a stanza is but u dont actually do it. I kinda agree with the girls here. It's more a mish mash of wut ur feeling. I mean it is possible to create a poem of wut ur feeling but u have to try and make so relatable (tht is a word at all) tht ur readers actually understand it. Anyways, not the best i've seen so far but not bad either. 7/10 i would give it. Keep improving u might be able to create a perfect flowing poem

    Thanks for the siggy Ky-lyrra

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    Newbie atashi may be famous one day atashi may be famous one day atashi's Avatar
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    Re: Keeping You're Love Away!

    That was good and don't take it the wrong way, But I think I heard better please don't take it the wrong way


    Thank you soooo much equinn for leting me us this pic of your!!!!!

    This is a cute little clip:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PrZQIayUnbA

    My favorite song:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8frvSHvlzSM

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