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Thread: A kiss

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    Fallen Angel PhoenixSara may be famous one day PhoenixSara's Avatar
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    A kiss


    A kiss it was all that was to him:
    Yet i heard the angels sing.
    The stars fell down from the sky,
    We couldn't forget; my heart and I
    "In your arms is where i will be, I love you till my forever ends."
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    AO #1 (fill in the blank) KungFu Basil Champion, Lost In The Jungle Champion, Heli Attack 2 Champion basilisk888 is off to a good start basilisk888's Avatar
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    Re: A kiss

    Quote Originally Posted by PhoenixSara View Post

    A kiss it was all that was to him: -(,)
    Yet i heard the angels sing. -(,)
    The stars fell down from the sky,
    We couldn't forget; my heart and I -(.)
    ummm.... just saying but the fromat has some problems... at the end of each "sentece" it should be a "," and not anything else... (but at end a "." is needed) but its good anyways.... (little short...)
    death and life are one and the same

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    Fallen Angel PhoenixSara may be famous one day PhoenixSara's Avatar
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    Re: A kiss

    Thanks for the comment i wanted to keep it short and simple and not spoil what i felt. but thanks it's noted and i will keep it in mind to make something longer the next time.
    "In your arms is where i will be, I love you till my forever ends."
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    Legendary Otaku divine_punishment may be famous one day divine_punishment may be famous one day divine_punishment's Avatar
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    Re: A kiss

    It is very simple, but still is very beautiful. There isn't much one can say about four lines, but I really liked it.

    Sounds like a horrible situation, though.

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    Fallen Angel PhoenixSara may be famous one day PhoenixSara's Avatar
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    Re: A kiss

    Quote Originally Posted by divine_punishment View Post
    It is very simple, but still is very beautiful. There isn't much one can say about four lines, but I really liked it.

    Sounds like a horrible situation, though.
    Let's just say i am not one to bring it up but he acts like it's just one of those things.
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    Re: A kiss

    Quote Originally Posted by PhoenixSara View Post

    The stars fell down from the sky,
    We couldn't forget; my heart and I
    Hmmm, I agree that it's simple ... [maybe too simple] <_<" Yet I like the way you wrapped it up at the end with the last two lines. Very nicely done. Though you could extend it.. Though I couldn't think of what more to add to it as well. XD!!!


    A kiss it was all that was to him
    Sad line ... I like how you compare the kiss to your heart and I also like the way ''he'' only finds it a simple kiss.

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    Fallen Angel PhoenixSara may be famous one day PhoenixSara's Avatar
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    Re: A kiss

    Quote Originally Posted by ihauntforlust View Post
    Hmmm, I agree that it's simple ... [maybe too simple] <_<" Yet I like the way you wrapped it up at the end with the last two lines. Very nicely done. Though you could extend it.. Though I couldn't think of what more to add to it as well. XD!!!




    Sad line ... I like how you compare the kiss to your heart and I also like the way ''he'' only finds it a simple kiss.
    Thank you very much, i have ben thinking since i got the comment this morning that it was too short. but i couldn't think of anything else. and i know it sounds kinda naive.
    "In your arms is where i will be, I love you till my forever ends."
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