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Old Apr 28, 2008, 10:27 AM   #1 (permalink)
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A kiss


A kiss it was all that was to him:
Yet i heard the angels sing.
The stars fell down from the sky,
We couldn't forget; my heart and I
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Old Apr 28, 2008, 10:41 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Re: A kiss

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Originally Posted by PhoenixSara View Post

A kiss it was all that was to him: -(,)
Yet i heard the angels sing. -(,)
The stars fell down from the sky,
We couldn't forget; my heart and I -(.)
ummm.... just saying but the fromat has some problems... at the end of each "sentece" it should be a "," and not anything else... (but at end a "." is needed) but its good anyways.... (little short...)
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Old Apr 28, 2008, 10:44 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Re: A kiss

Thanks for the comment i wanted to keep it short and simple and not spoil what i felt. but thanks it's noted and i will keep it in mind to make something longer the next time.
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Old Apr 28, 2008, 10:55 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Re: A kiss

It is very simple, but still is very beautiful. There isn't much one can say about four lines, but I really liked it.

Sounds like a horrible situation, though.
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Old Apr 28, 2008, 11:07 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Re: A kiss

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It is very simple, but still is very beautiful. There isn't much one can say about four lines, but I really liked it.

Sounds like a horrible situation, though.
Let's just say i am not one to bring it up but he acts like it's just one of those things.
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Old Apr 28, 2008, 11:25 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Re: A kiss

Quote:
Originally Posted by PhoenixSara View Post

The stars fell down from the sky,
We couldn't forget; my heart and I
Hmmm, I agree that it's simple ... [maybe too simple] <_<" Yet I like the way you wrapped it up at the end with the last two lines. Very nicely done. Though you could extend it.. Though I couldn't think of what more to add to it as well. XD!!!


Quote:
A kiss it was all that was to him
Sad line ... I like how you compare the kiss to your heart and I also like the way ''he'' only finds it a simple kiss.
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Old Apr 28, 2008, 11:32 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Re: A kiss

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Originally Posted by ihauntforlust View Post
Hmmm, I agree that it's simple ... [maybe too simple] <_<" Yet I like the way you wrapped it up at the end with the last two lines. Very nicely done. Though you could extend it.. Though I couldn't think of what more to add to it as well. XD!!!




Sad line ... I like how you compare the kiss to your heart and I also like the way ''he'' only finds it a simple kiss.
Thank you very much, i have ben thinking since i got the comment this morning that it was too short. but i couldn't think of anything else. and i know it sounds kinda naive.
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