A kiss

PhoenixSara · Apr 28, 2008, 10:27 AM

A kiss it was all that was to him:
Yet i heard the angels sing.
The stars fell down from the sky,
We couldn't forget; my heart and I

basilisk888 · Apr 28, 2008, 10:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PhoenixSara

A kiss it was all that was to him: -(,)
Yet i heard the angels sing. -(,)
The stars fell down from the sky,
We couldn't forget; my heart and I -(.)

ummm.... just saying but the fromat has some problems... at the end of each "sentece" it should be a "," and not anything else... (but at end a "." is needed) but its good anyways.... (little short...)

PhoenixSara · Apr 28, 2008, 10:44 AM

Thanks for the comment i wanted to keep it short and simple and not spoil what i felt. but thanks it's noted and i will keep it in mind to make something longer the next time.

*divine_punishment* · Apr 28, 2008, 10:55 AM

It is very simple, but still is very beautiful. There isn't much one can say about four lines, but I really liked it.

Sounds like a horrible situation, though.

PhoenixSara · Apr 28, 2008, 11:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine_punishment

It is very simple, but still is very beautiful. There isn't much one can say about four lines, but I really liked it.

Sounds like a horrible situation, though.

Let's just say i am not one to bring it up but he acts like it's just one of those things.

ihauntforlust · Apr 28, 2008, 11:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PhoenixSara

The stars fell down from the sky,
We couldn't forget; my heart and I

Hmmm, I agree that it's simple ... [maybe too simple] <_<" Yet I like the way you wrapped it up at the end with the last two lines. Very nicely done.

Though you could extend it.. Though I couldn't think of what more to add to it as well. XD!!!

Quote:

A kiss it was all that was to him

Sad line ... I like how you compare the kiss to your heart and I also like the way ''he'' only finds it a simple kiss.

PhoenixSara · Apr 28, 2008, 11:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ihauntforlust

Hmmm, I agree that it's simple ... [maybe too simple] <_<" Yet I like the way you wrapped it up at the end with the last two lines. Very nicely done.

Though you could extend it.. Though I couldn't think of what more to add to it as well. XD!!!

Sad line ... I like how you compare the kiss to your heart and I also like the way ''he'' only finds it a simple kiss.

Thank you very much, i have ben thinking since i got the comment this morning that it was too short. but i couldn't think of anything else. and i know it sounds kinda naive.

Apr 28, 2008, 10:27 AM	#1 (permalink)
PhoenixSara Upcoming Legend Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: The deepest Abyss of the Ocean Posts: 578 Thanks: 22 Thanked 21 Times in 21 Posts Credits: 21,262	A kiss A kiss it was all that was to him: Yet i heard the angels sing. The stars fell down from the sky, We couldn't forget; my heart and I __________________ Angels dare to go where devils don't dare to tread. Clan Rainstorm 2nd Company, Kunoichi Leader click to show spoiler http://animalwonders.b1.jcink.com/index.php?act=idx
Status: Online

Apr 28, 2008, 10:44 AM	#3 (permalink)
PhoenixSara Upcoming Legend Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: The deepest Abyss of the Ocean Posts: 578 Thanks: 22 Thanked 21 Times in 21 Posts Credits: 21,262	Re: A kiss Thanks for the comment i wanted to keep it short and simple and not spoil what i felt. but thanks it's noted and i will keep it in mind to make something longer the next time. __________________ Angels dare to go where devils don't dare to tread. Clan Rainstorm 2nd Company, Kunoichi Leader click to show spoiler http://animalwonders.b1.jcink.com/index.php?act=idx
Status: Online

Apr 28, 2008, 10:55 AM	#4 (permalink)
divine_punishment Shining Star Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Good question . . . where am I? Posts: 1,271 Thanks: 22 Thanked 27 Times in 22 Posts Credits: 59,230	Re: A kiss It is very simple, but still is very beautiful. There isn't much one can say about four lines, but I really liked it. Sounds like a horrible situation, though. __________________ Bite Me!
Status: Offline

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