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Thread: Last Farwell

  1. #1
    Newbie Monkey is off to a good start Monkey's Avatar
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    Last Farwell

    Whatever comes out my mouth
    Pours out my soul
    It is everything I love
    Everything I know
    These are the words
    That comes from my soul

    This is a good-bye
    The first and the last
    The last Farwell
    To present from past
    Remember my words
    When time comes to pass

    If only people choose to adopt me.... a lonely monkey

  2. #2
    Otaku Caixa 2006 Champion Corvus may be famous one day Corvus may be famous one day Corvus's Avatar
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    Re: Last Farwell

    Ok, this is what I want you to do with your other poem. This has impact! It's excellent. So if you could take that raging hatred and make it more moving like this one you'd have one of the greatest poems ever seen. The only suggestion I have is that you might want to try adding some punctuation in here some where and it'll make the reader pause giving certain moments emphasis.That's really all you need is some minor tweaking and it'll be great.

    ... and join my rebellion against time.

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