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Old May 08, 2008, 02:26 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Last Farwell

Whatever comes out my mouth
Pours out my soul
It is everything I love
Everything I know
These are the words
That comes from my soul

This is a good-bye
The first and the last
The last Farwell
To present from past
Remember my words
When time comes to pass
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Old May 11, 2008, 12:06 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Re: Last Farwell

Ok, this is what I want you to do with your other poem. This has impact! It's excellent. So if you could take that raging hatred and make it more moving like this one you'd have one of the greatest poems ever seen. The only suggestion I have is that you might want to try adding some punctuation in here some where and it'll make the reader pause giving certain moments emphasis.That's really all you need is some minor tweaking and it'll be great.
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