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May 08, 2008, 02:26 PM
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 Newbie  Join Date: May 2008 Location: Jungle of Knowledge
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 Credits: 273 | Last Farwell Whatever comes out my mouth Pours out my soul It is everything I love Everything I know These are the words That comes from my soul This is a good-bye The first and the last The last Farwell To present from past Remember my words When time comes to pass
__________________  If only people choose to adopt me.... a lonely monkey |
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May 11, 2008, 12:06 PM
| #2 (permalink) |
  Diamond in the Rough  | Re: Last Farwell Ok, this is what I want you to do with your other poem. This has impact! It's excellent. So if you could take that raging hatred and make it more moving like this one you'd have one of the greatest poems ever seen. The only suggestion I have is that you might want to try adding some punctuation in here some where and it'll make the reader pause giving certain moments emphasis.That's really all you need is some minor tweaking and it'll be great.
__________________  ... and join my rebellion against time. |
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