View Poll Results: poem of a beginner poet.is it good?

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  • yes.

    17 77.27%
  • no.

    5 22.73%
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Thread: last good byes( for a freind now gone...)

  1. #1
    Newbie darkness of an angel is off to a good start darkness of an angel's Avatar
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    last good byes( for a freind now gone...)

    I miss you so much,
    why you have to go?
    You left in such a horrible way,
    the crash the sound the blow.

    Everyone still crying
    their hoping it's not true,
    looking at old photos
    remembering everything of you.

    They play that song out loud,
    tears start flowing from out eyes,
    as they walk to the casket to say their last
    good byes....

  2. #2
    Banned The White Wolf is off to a good start
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    Re: last good byes( for a freind now gone...)

    the crash the sound the blow.
    Comma use would be very much appreciated

    The last two lines didn't flow too well for me. But the poem overall was very good. Nice work, angel. Keep it up.

  3. #3
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Re: last good byes( for a freind now gone...)

    I have to disagree wit hthe whte wolf, the last two lines made the poem for me. I will not vote on it, because I believe it is not bad nor good.
    Seduced by Flesh


  4. #4
    Otaku Lotski is off to a good start
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    Re: last good byes( for a freind now gone...)

    capitalization. I think u have to revise your poem before posting it..
    A good poem with good emotions is very catchy.. I like your poem
    at some point. make more to know your weakness and strength
    by the comments.. You can do it! =)

    If you don't like me, it's mind over matter.
    I don't mind and you don't matter

  5. #5
    Shichibukai JefferyXie may be famous one day JefferyXie may be famous one day JefferyXie's Avatar
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    Re: last good byes( for a freind now gone...)

    It's ok..last line of the 1st stanza wasn't too good..other than that,there is nothing to comment

  6. #6
    Elie Jelly elie26 may be famous one day elie26 may be famous one day elie26's Avatar
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    Re: last good byes( for a freind now gone...)

    I would wish that it was a bit longer, 3 stanzas doesn't give much to read xD
    Continue writing! It's a good work.

  7. #7
    Otaku Adarrah may be famous one day Adarrah may be famous one day Adarrah's Avatar
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    Re: last good byes( for a freind now gone...)

    A bit- umn... I don't know... Maybe it's different to me. But I enjoy reciting it -PEACE- lol
    Carve an amble now,
    Saying that the day's still bright,
    And let's play with time.

  8. #8
    Otaku xxoxx is off to a good start xxoxx's Avatar
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    Re: last good byes( for a freind now gone...)

    nice ....very nice i love it ....good work ....
    When I look at your eyes, I see your true self.
    I see you're sweet, and caring.
    I see you're giving and forgiving.
    I see your love for me.

    When I look at your eyes I stop myself from crying
    When I'm alone and think about your eyes I cry.
    I can't stop thinking that one day I'll never see those eyes again
    That I'll never see the love or the sweetness
    Or the love that makes you who you are.
    One day you'll be gone - gone from me.
    Gone from this world.
    No matter what happens, those eyes will one day close
    And forever rest in peace.

    But you'll never be completely gone,
    Because every time I close my eyes,
    There you will be.

    Foolish beating

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