last good byes( for a freind now gone...)

darkness of an angel · Mar 24, 2007, 02:10 AM

I miss you so much,
why you have to go?
You left in such a horrible way,
the crash the sound the blow.

Everyone still crying
their hoping it's not true,
looking at old photos
remembering everything of you.

They play that song out loud,
tears start flowing from out eyes,
as they walk to the casket to say their last
good byes....

!The White Wolf · Mar 24, 2007, 02:21 AM

Quote:

the crash the sound the blow.

Comma use would be very much appreciated

The last two lines didn't flow too well for me. But the poem overall was very good. Nice work, angel. Keep it up.

*Kasai* · Mar 24, 2007, 05:48 AM

I have to disagree wit hthe whte wolf, the last two lines made the poem for me. I will not vote on it, because I believe it is not bad nor good.

Lotski · Mar 24, 2007, 06:08 AM

capitalization. I think u have to revise your poem before posting it..
A good poem with good emotions is very catchy.. I like your poem
at some point. make more to know your weakness and strength
by the comments.. You can do it! =)

JefferyXie · Mar 26, 2007, 10:27 PM

It's ok..last line of the 1st stanza wasn't too good..other than that,there is nothing to comment

elie26 · Mar 27, 2007, 04:41 AM

I would wish that it was a bit longer, 3 stanzas doesn't give much to read xD
Continue writing! It's a good work.

Adarrah · Apr 10, 2007, 06:39 PM

A bit- umn... I don't know... Maybe it's different to me. But I enjoy reciting it -PEACE- lol

xxoxx · Apr 11, 2007, 07:01 AM

nice ....very nice i love it ....good work ....

When I look at your eyes, I see your true self.
I see you're sweet, and caring.
I see you're giving and forgiving.
I see your love for me.

When I look at your eyes I stop myself from crying
When I'm alone and think about your eyes I cry.
I can't stop thinking that one day I'll never see those eyes again
That I'll never see the love or the sweetness
Or the love that makes you who you are.
One day you'll be gone - gone from me.
Gone from this world.
No matter what happens, those eyes will one day close
And forever rest in peace.

But you'll never be completely gone,
Because every time I close my eyes,
There you will be.

dark1angel · Apr 13, 2007, 08:39 AM

This poem reminds of someone that i really care for and the poem is very touching in other words i am really interested into i have no problem with it.
It has really great feeling into it, it can really inspire anyone with this.

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Mar 24, 2007, 02:10 AM	#1 (permalink)
darkness of an angel Newbie Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: I'm everywhere Posts: 58 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 652	last good byes( for a freind now gone...) I miss you so much, why you have to go? You left in such a horrible way, the crash the sound the blow. Everyone still crying their hoping it's not true, looking at old photos remembering everything of you. They play that song out loud, tears start flowing from out eyes, as they walk to the casket to say their last good byes....
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Mar 24, 2007, 05:48 AM	#3 (permalink)
Kasai Domme Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Florida Posts: 2,745 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 1,490	Re: last good byes( for a freind now gone...) I have to disagree wit hthe whte wolf, the last two lines made the poem for me. I will not vote on it, because I believe it is not bad nor good. __________________ Seduced by Flesh
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Mar 24, 2007, 06:08 AM	#4 (permalink)
Lotski Diamond in the Rough Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Baguio City, Philippines Posts: 150 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 358	Re: last good byes( for a freind now gone...) capitalization. I think u have to revise your poem before posting it.. A good poem with good emotions is very catchy.. I like your poem at some point. make more to know your weakness and strength by the comments.. You can do it! =) __________________ Be d REASON for someone's happiness, NOT just part of it... Be a PART of someone's sadness, but NOT d reason for it.
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Mar 26, 2007, 10:27 PM	#5 (permalink)
JefferyXie Shichibukai Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Sydney Posts: 613 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 210	Re: last good byes( for a freind now gone...) It's ok..last line of the 1st stanza wasn't too good..other than that,there is nothing to comment
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Mar 27, 2007, 04:41 AM	#6 (permalink)
elie26 Elie Jelly Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Hell is an understatement Posts: 608 Thanks: 0 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post Credits: 2,051	Re: last good byes( for a freind now gone...) I would wish that it was a bit longer, 3 stanzas doesn't give much to read xD Continue writing! It's a good work.
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Apr 10, 2007, 06:39 PM	#7 (permalink)
Adarrah Diamond in the Rough Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Malaysia Posts: 320 Thanks: 3 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post Credits: 2,795	Re: last good byes( for a freind now gone...) A bit- umn... I don't know... Maybe it's different to me. But I enjoy reciting it -PEACE- lol __________________ Carve an amble now, Saying that the day's still bright, And let's play with time.
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Apr 11, 2007, 07:01 AM	#8 (permalink)
xxoxx Otaku Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: 無くなった Posts: 355 Thanks: 3 Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts Credits: 3,637	Re: last good byes( for a freind now gone...) nice ....very nice i love it ....good work .... When I look at your eyes, I see your true self. I see you're sweet, and caring. I see you're giving and forgiving. I see your love for me. When I look at your eyes I stop myself from crying When I'm alone and think about your eyes I cry. I can't stop thinking that one day I'll never see those eyes again That I'll never see the love or the sweetness Or the love that makes you who you are. One day you'll be gone - gone from me. Gone from this world. No matter what happens, those eyes will one day close And forever rest in peace. But you'll never be completely gone, Because every time I close my eyes, There you will be. __________________ "I'm not going there to die. I'm going to find out if I'm really alive." Spike Spiegel (Cowboy Bebop)
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Apr 13, 2007, 08:39 AM	#9 (permalink)
dark1angel Tournaments Won: 1 Hybrid Humanoid Forever Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: In a Purified Realm Of Lightness Posts: 562 Thanks: 71 Thanked 21 Times in 21 Posts Credits: 21,010	Re: last good byes( for a freind now gone...) This poem reminds of someone that i really care for and the poem is very touching in other words i am really interested into i have no problem with it. It has really great feeling into it, it can really inspire anyone with this.
Status: Offline

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