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Thread: the leaf

  1. #1
    Otaku sangogirl may be famous one day sangogirl may be famous one day sangogirl's Avatar
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    the leaf

    The leaf glides beautifully
    in a path set by the wind.
    The wind stops and the leaf falls to the ground
    But instead of letting the wind pick it up again,
    It stays on the ground making it's own path
    Not set.
    every rose has a thorn

  2. #2
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Re: the leaf

    The first two verses were awesome. I felt emotion and I saw the leaf. But then afrer that? The poem began to sound like any other.
    Seduced by Flesh


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    Banned The White Wolf is off to a good start
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    Re: the leaf

    I sort of get where you're trying to go with the poem. That the leaf, just like life, has an undecided path, full of surprises, twists and turns.

    ^ ^ Nice Job! Although you might want to work on the description a little more..

  4. #4
    Otaku god of death may be famous one day god of death may be famous one day god of death's Avatar
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    Re: the leaf

    short sweet and right on cue! life as the leaf is is never set, the path we chose can led us anywhere.
    I am the God Of Death, Reaper of the souls, hunter of the darkness......
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    Devoted Otaku BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1's Avatar
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    Re: the leaf

    Wow the first two lines are articulated very well! Keep up the good work and I look forward to reading more of your work!

  6. #6
    Otaku sangogirl may be famous one day sangogirl may be famous one day sangogirl's Avatar
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    Re: the leaf

    thank you. i always read a lot of depressing love poems and decided to do something different.
    every rose has a thorn

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