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Thread: Lets Do It Now

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    Banned beast may be famous one day beast may be famous one day beast's Avatar
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    Lets Do It Now

    If you want no strings attahced thrill,
    Lets do it before night ends.
    Come lady of your own freewill.

    A hurt heart with love fast mends.
    Against the moon, wind whips your hair.
    Lets do it before night ends.

    Both of us try hard not to stare.
    We both know it, lets go here,
    Now, under stars in the night air.

    ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
    Short but sweet. Give me some feedback on this one please.

  2. #2
    Femmebot Rehab Colt Crouse Champion, Bookworm Champion, Hangman Champion, Connect 2 Champion Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows's Avatar
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    Re: Lets Do It Now

    doin' it before nights end eh?

    well now, I think the poem is good.. think it would sound better if it said "lets go there" instead of "here" ...dunno.
    ... Not Ever Again...

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    !beast (Jun 04, 2009)

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    Re: Lets Do It Now

    Quote Originally Posted by Peach_follows View Post
    doin' it before nights end eh?

    well now, I think the poem is good.. think it would sound better if it said "lets go there" instead of "here" ...dunno.
    Thank you Peach_follows. That is the type of feedback I need from people. Now if I could only get someone to talk about Dwelling of the soul.

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    Re: Lets Do It Now

    This is really nice Poem. This poem will encourage me when ever i will do a difficult task. I like these kinds of poems which encourage the people.

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    !beast (Jun 05, 2009)

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    Zev
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    Re: Lets Do It Now

    I like "lets go here" better because its more impulsive and in the moment than "lets go there". Just like the rest of the poem its all about that one moment.

    Signature is a Gwenibe original.

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    !beast (Jun 07, 2009), Peach_follows (Jun 07, 2009)

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    Re: Lets Do It Now

    I like "lets go here" better because its more impulsive and in the moment than "lets go there"
    yeah... I can see that.... good perspective. "There" sorta does get repetative in that stanza... sorta gets lost in all the "air" sounding words. So on second thought... Omit my first opinion.. (I am such a sheep right now) BAAaaaahhhhh.
    ... Not Ever Again...

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    !beast (Jun 07, 2009)

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    Re: Lets Do It Now

    the poem is quite interesting to read but i just want to know about the author

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    !beast (Jun 08, 2009)

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