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Thread: The lie that has to be

  1. #1
    Fish Fingers & Custard Ice Hockey Champion, Smaugs Treasure Champion, Mini Putt 3 Champion, Ant Tracks Champion, Jungle Hunt Champion, Madnetics Champion, Manole Champion, Blokken Champion, Fast Food Fiasco Champion, Shapes Hifters Champion, Mud and Blood: Vietnam Champion HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice's Avatar
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    The lie that has to be

    What have i become? where did it
    all go? things just seem so cold but
    i feel fine , nothing seems to matter
    always looking for the reaction that comes
    with my not giving a damn.

    I let you down and those tears are
    for free that i made you shed nothing
    really seem's that complicated when lies
    fill that empty spot , the lies come so easy
    why are you still here?

    Where did it go? the laughing , the freindship
    it all just left when i let loose my lies and uncaring
    ways , nothng i wrong and everything feels right ,
    so why do i keep on thinking things could be better?
    something must have made it go but i cant see it.
    ______________________________________________
    this poem is about lies and not caring its something i am
    trying to use in some of my poems so it might not be as
    good as i know it could be but trying this has me wanting
    more from them than just a few words lol i am not really
    good at explaining but hopefully someone gets this poem.

    comment and ANY sugestions would be great so i can put more into
    it than just a few strong words that dont go anywhere really in the poem
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons
    I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and a voice of reason
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices son
    They're one in the same, I must isolate you...
    Isolate and save you from yourself

  2. #2
    The Listener Stealin` Home Champion awesomeparty12 may be famous one day awesomeparty12's Avatar
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    Re: The lie that has to be

    that is pretty good i like it i was supposed to submit a poem today but i am to tired to think about it roight now
    i cry inside for life anew i die each time im torn in two i live for earth and die for none along comes a god who will always bring peace and tranquility

  3. #3
    Otaku Robo Soccer Champion, Gorillaz Groove Session Champion blackrose92 is off to a good start blackrose92's Avatar
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    Re: The lie that has to be

    ok...so i really dont know what the hell your talking about(until i read the little message at the bottom) just being blunt o.0(which isn't always a good thing your readers should have a general idea of what your trying to say, and let them form their own opinions about your work without so much as spoon feeding them what you "actually" mean) and the flow at the beginning was kinda choppy. i just dont know how to explain it..?
    again minor spelling errors (they can really make a difference at trying to get your point across ^^)
    but other than that i think thats it =]
    I'm the best you'll ever have because i am that f*ing AMA-zing chic who can stand on her own d*n feet and becasue of you I am the Greatest Thank you so much SasuraiHell and Gwen

  4. The Following User Says Thank You to blackrose92 For This Useful Post:

    HolderOfTheDarkChalice (Feb 02, 2009)

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