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Thread: The Lie You LIve

  1. #1
    Fish Fingers & Custard Ice Hockey Champion, Smaugs Treasure Champion, Mini Putt 3 Champion, Ant Tracks Champion, Jungle Hunt Champion, Madnetics Champion, Manole Champion, Blokken Champion, Fast Food Fiasco Champion, Shapes Hifters Champion, Mud and Blood: Vietnam Champion HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice's Avatar
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    The Lie You LIve

    You tell the world how you
    always follow the rule's ,never
    allowing yourseff to stray, always
    smiling showing your vain side,
    constantly you never lend a hand
    to those in need, just turning you're
    head and thnking the world is perfect
    not admitting the truth of what is really out there.

    But i know the real you i have seen the inside
    of your heart and its dark,dark like mine
    never seeing the sun ,never knowing love, or
    happy thoughts ,and your thoughts they are
    distorted like the inside of my mind.

    I know what im saying because i am like that also
    never careing, never thinking your always
    walking on that water you claim is perfect.

    I looked inside of you're soul today and you'r
    dieing,dieing inside love reject's you, you thrive on hate
    your emotions they are ugly, so keep telling your self your
    better for it ,I know better than that life is going down hill
    for you.

    Never realising its slipping away everytime you open
    your mouth and you let lose those words of hate so i will let you fall
    down from grace so you can see what the real world
    is like.

    Its not as perfect as you claim and then i will
    smile when you finaly taste those tears you have been
    giving everyone for all these years.

    Everyone has that person that thiink's they know better
    tiill they hit the bottom,i think lifes lesson is learned best when
    there eye's are open'ed . this poem was about someone i knew
    before i came to AO so no one will coment thinking it's about them
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons
    I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and a voice of reason
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices son
    They're one in the same, I must isolate you...
    Isolate and save you from yourself

  2. #2
    Otaku Pride_Edward may be famous one day Pride_Edward may be famous one day Pride_Edward's Avatar
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    Re: The Lie You LIve

    Even though it is the style of your writing,you should arrange it as it is like a poem,long sentences makes the reader go away but this one's better if it was arranged...and also check for your spellings.

  3. #3
    Fish Fingers & Custard Ice Hockey Champion, Smaugs Treasure Champion, Mini Putt 3 Champion, Ant Tracks Champion, Jungle Hunt Champion, Madnetics Champion, Manole Champion, Blokken Champion, Fast Food Fiasco Champion, Shapes Hifters Champion, Mud and Blood: Vietnam Champion HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice's Avatar
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    Re: The Lie You LIve

    i had problems with this poem for some reason it didt flow as good
    as as my other poems do ,wish i had speel check it would have made it easier
    to do,but thans for the tips i will use them next time i do somthing like this
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons
    I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and a voice of reason
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices son
    They're one in the same, I must isolate you...
    Isolate and save you from yourself

  4. #4
    Otaku Pride_Edward may be famous one day Pride_Edward may be famous one day Pride_Edward's Avatar
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    Re: The Lie You LIve

    For the very last time HolderOfTheDarkChalice,check your spellings,I have a hard time understanding you..I can spell check you if you want..

    Thanks not thans
    Yourself not yourseff
    didn't not didt
    realizing not realising
    there are a lot more...

  5. #5
    Fish Fingers & Custard Ice Hockey Champion, Smaugs Treasure Champion, Mini Putt 3 Champion, Ant Tracks Champion, Jungle Hunt Champion, Madnetics Champion, Manole Champion, Blokken Champion, Fast Food Fiasco Champion, Shapes Hifters Champion, Mud and Blood: Vietnam Champion HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice's Avatar
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    Re: The Lie You LIve

    thanks but no thanks i can spell if i have to i just didnt feel
    like wearing my reading glasses but since theres a problem reading
    what i say i will start wearing them more
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons
    I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and a voice of reason
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices son
    They're one in the same, I must isolate you...
    Isolate and save you from yourself

  6. #6
    Otaku Pride_Edward may be famous one day Pride_Edward may be famous one day Pride_Edward's Avatar
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    Re: The Lie You LIve

    Okay,then wear your glasses always if you need it so that there'll be no problem...I hope you can do better next time...Its nice to know that you post and post even though some are against it unlike me that can't make a poem in just a munite...

  7. #7
    Fish Fingers & Custard Ice Hockey Champion, Smaugs Treasure Champion, Mini Putt 3 Champion, Ant Tracks Champion, Jungle Hunt Champion, Madnetics Champion, Manole Champion, Blokken Champion, Fast Food Fiasco Champion, Shapes Hifters Champion, Mud and Blood: Vietnam Champion HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice's Avatar
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    Re: The Lie You LIve

    i have never got pm's about me posting so much ,and the only eason i have a high post count is because i repsond more than i do post a topic.but anyway
    thanks for your advice
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons
    I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and a voice of reason
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices son
    They're one in the same, I must isolate you...
    Isolate and save you from yourself

  8. #8
    Newbie doesntmatter23 may be famous one day doesntmatter23 may be famous one day doesntmatter23's Avatar
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    Re: The Lie You LIve

    Your ideas are good, switch up some words, fix up the poem structure and it should be awesome.

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