Even though it is the style of your writing,you should arrange it as it is like a poem,long sentences makes the reader go away but this one's better if it was arranged...and also check for your spellings.
You tell the world how you
always follow the rule's ,never
allowing yourseff to stray, always
smiling showing your vain side,
constantly you never lend a hand
to those in need, just turning you're
head and thnking the world is perfect
not admitting the truth of what is really out there.
But i know the real you i have seen the inside
of your heart and its dark,dark like mine
never seeing the sun ,never knowing love, or
happy thoughts ,and your thoughts they are
distorted like the inside of my mind.
I know what im saying because i am like that also
never careing, never thinking your always
walking on that water you claim is perfect.
I looked inside of you're soul today and you'r
dieing,dieing inside love reject's you, you thrive on hate
your emotions they are ugly, so keep telling your self your
better for it ,I know better than that life is going down hill
for you.
Never realising its slipping away everytime you open
your mouth and you let lose those words of hate so i will let you fall
down from grace so you can see what the real world
is like.
Its not as perfect as you claim and then i will
smile when you finaly taste those tears you have been
giving everyone for all these years.
Everyone has that person that thiink's they know better
tiill they hit the bottom,i think lifes lesson is learned best when
there eye's are open'ed . this poem was about someone i knew
before i came to AO so no one will coment thinking it's about them
I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons
I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and a voice of reason
I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices son
They're one in the same, I must isolate you...
Isolate and save you from yourself
Even though it is the style of your writing,you should arrange it as it is like a poem,long sentences makes the reader go away but this one's better if it was arranged...and also check for your spellings.
i had problems with this poem for some reason it didt flow as good
as as my other poems do ,wish i had speel check it would have made it easier
to do,but thans for the tips i will use them next time i do somthing like this
I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons
I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and a voice of reason
I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices son
They're one in the same, I must isolate you...
Isolate and save you from yourself
For the very last time HolderOfTheDarkChalice,check your spellings,I have a hard time understanding you..I can spell check you if you want..
Thanks not thans
Yourself not yourseff
didn't not didt
realizing not realising
there are a lot more...
thanks but no thanks i can spell if i have to i just didnt feel
like wearing my reading glasses but since theres a problem reading
what i say i will start wearing them more
I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons
I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and a voice of reason
I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices son
They're one in the same, I must isolate you...
Isolate and save you from yourself
Okay,then wear your glasses always if you need it so that there'll be no problem...I hope you can do better next time...Its nice to know that you post and post even though some are against it unlike me that can't make a poem in just a munite...
i have never got pm's about me posting so much ,and the only eason i have a high post count is because i repsond more than i do post a topic.but anyway
thanks for your advice
I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons
I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and a voice of reason
I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices son
They're one in the same, I must isolate you...
Isolate and save you from yourself
Your ideas are good, switch up some words, fix up the poem structure and it should be awesome.
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