I’m having a hard time deicidng wheteher this is a rap song, or a unique poem..... I ain’t sure, pero homie, mira, señorita Kasai is trying to teach you, you can try to be at least a bit grateful, anyway you a writer, and adding metaphors, and all that crap, makes your writing easier for people to see in their mind, if there’s one thing I don’t like is reading crap, because I tend to read a lot, and when I find something I like, and I can imagine, I comment, on what they can fix. Add some more imagery, and details, you’ll make your work shine, and deserve the good comments, that I bet it can receive.