A Life Fulfilled

I sit back in my chair, my eyes, they grow dim
I start to recall my terminal hymn

They say in last moments one's life flashes by
Calming as it is, i can't help but cry

I see my first step onto the big yellow bus
Kicking and screaming and making a fuss

I recall education and the friends that i made
I learned that though distant, memories do not fade

I recall getting married to the woman I love
With voice just as soft as the coo of a dove

I see my first child, a strong willed young girl
Walking through time as her future unfurls.

Her eighteenth year beckons a parent's worst fear
The knowledge your child's departure is near

She walked off to college as i just watched on
Seeing my duckling turn into a swan

My mind skips by years as i see my new face
A wrinkly mask like dead skin and paste

I see my wife's passing, and feel my heart break
But I know that my spirit will soon be in time's wake

My chest starts to pound as my memories dance
The pain i feel numbs as i slip into trance

As i lay here dying, reminiscence abounds
I can now relax, for true joy i have found

I've lived a good life and i've seen many things
But right now the Fates pull on my soul's strings

My family cries as i draw my last breath
But i lay with a smile as i drift into death

Omgosh neo this is got to be your best by far.....I loved it I imagined it all as I read it.....you very talented ya know keep on writing.

Very nice rhyming couplets. It's really in-depth with different imagery before someone's last moments.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by NeoDeath90

Her eighteenth year beckons a parent's worst fear
The knowledge your child's departure is near

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Yeeeeaaaahhh... In my case my childrens departure into adulthood is
not so much a fear... as it is a wish.
:laugh:

Anyway, I agree with others who say this may very well be one of your best.
I love what you did with this months theme. Quite a nice way to show a process of remembrance.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Peach_follows

Yeeeeaaaahhh... In my case my childrens departure into adulthood is
not so much a fear... as it is a wish.
:laugh:

Anyway, I agree with others who say this may very well be one of your best.
I love what you did with this months theme. Quite a nice way to show a process of remembrance.

---

coming from you that really means a lot to me. I've actually been rather envious of your talents. But ah well, i figured that the best way to deal with remembrance is when one is in their final moments.

its pretty kool, what inspire u to write this? I wanna know its really nice, i really like it, I just started to write in english, I will try to upload some of my poems, I hope u can give me ur opinion

NICELY DONE!!!!

only one thing I might comment on.
'She walked off to college as i just watched on
Seeing my duckling turn into a swan'

nothing wrong with what you say. but you could also try
'Seeing my duckling turn to a swan'
In the romantic style that you use so well, this would be totally acceptable, and *(in my opinion, not necessarily a good one)* does so much more for the life of the line.

Still. where have you been hiding works like this? I would love to be a judge recieving a piece like this. I'm kinda anxious to read all of the other poems now to see if they compare. I hope they do, even if that'd make the judges have a hell of a hard time picking one =P

This was an enjoyable read and truly deserving of a 10. (which if anyone remembers doesn't happen from me a lot) *twice today so far.* people on AO are becoming rather talented with the way they convey their thoughts.

[edit]
rhyming couplets was brilliant. Each though accompanied by the beats of a heart.
simple yet complex.
And yes, I already know that I think too much.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Corvus

NICELY DONE!!!!

only one thing I might comment on.
'She walked off to college as i just watched on
Seeing my duckling turn into a swan'

nothing wrong with what you say. but you could also try
'Seeing my duckling turn to a swan'
In the romantic style that you use so well, this would be totally acceptable, and *(in my opinion, not necessarily a good one)* does so much more for the life of the line.

Still. where have you been hiding works like this? I would love to be a judge recieving a piece like this. I'm kinda anxious to read all of the other poems now to see if they compare. I hope they do, even if that'd make the judges have a hell of a hard time picking one =P

This was an enjoyable read and truly deserving of a 10. (which if anyone remembers doesn't happen from me a lot) *twice today so far.* people on AO are becoming rather talented with the way they convey their thoughts.

[edit]
rhyming couplets was brilliant. Each though accompanied by the beats of a heart.
simple yet complex.
And yes, I already know that I think too much.

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trust me, i'm glad you think. Seeing posts like these is what keeps me writing,. and the fact that you gave me some constructive criticism helped.

Where do i hide these? I don;t know. I just pulled this one out of my a$$ for the august poem of the month, but i already won july, so i asked for it to be moved here.