Thread: A Life Fulfilled

Omgosh neo this is got to be your best by far.....I loved it I imagined it all as I read it.....you very talented ya know keep on writing.

Very nice rhyming couplets. It's really in-depth with different imagery before someone's last moments.

Originally Posted by NeoDeath90

Her eighteenth year beckons a parent's worst fear
The knowledge your child's departure is near

Yeeeeaaaahhh... In my case my childrens departure into adulthood is
not so much a fear... as it is a wish.


Anyway, I agree with others who say this may very well be one of your best.
I love what you did with this months theme. Quite a nice way to show a process of remembrance.

Originally Posted by Peach_follows

Yeeeeaaaahhh... In my case my childrens departure into adulthood is
not so much a fear... as it is a wish.


Anyway, I agree with others who say this may very well be one of your best.
I love what you did with this months theme. Quite a nice way to show a process of remembrance.

coming from you that really means a lot to me. I've actually been rather envious of your talents. But ah well, i figured that the best way to deal with remembrance is when one is in their final moments.

its pretty kool, what inspire u to write this? I wanna know its really nice, i really like it, I just started to write in english, I will try to upload some of my poems, I hope u can give me ur opinion

NICELY DONE!!!!

only one thing I might comment on.
'She walked off to college as i just watched on
Seeing my duckling turn into a swan'

nothing wrong with what you say. but you could also try
'Seeing my duckling turn to a swan'
In the romantic style that you use so well, this would be totally acceptable, and *(in my opinion, not necessarily a good one)* does so much more for the life of the line.

Still. where have you been hiding works like this? I would love to be a judge recieving a piece like this. I'm kinda anxious to read all of the other poems now to see if they compare. I hope they do, even if that'd make the judges have a hell of a hard time picking one =P

This was an enjoyable read and truly deserving of a 10. (which if anyone remembers doesn't happen from me a lot) *twice today so far.* people on AO are becoming rather talented with the way they convey their thoughts.

[edit]
rhyming couplets was brilliant. Each though accompanied by the beats of a heart.
simple yet complex.
And yes, I already know that I think too much.

Originally Posted by Corvus

NICELY DONE!!!!

only one thing I might comment on.
'She walked off to college as i just watched on
Seeing my duckling turn into a swan'

nothing wrong with what you say. but you could also try
'Seeing my duckling turn to a swan'
In the romantic style that you use so well, this would be totally acceptable, and *(in my opinion, not necessarily a good one)* does so much more for the life of the line.

Still. where have you been hiding works like this? I would love to be a judge recieving a piece like this. I'm kinda anxious to read all of the other poems now to see if they compare. I hope they do, even if that'd make the judges have a hell of a hard time picking one =P

This was an enjoyable read and truly deserving of a 10. (which if anyone remembers doesn't happen from me a lot) *twice today so far.* people on AO are becoming rather talented with the way they convey their thoughts.

[edit]
rhyming couplets was brilliant. Each though accompanied by the beats of a heart.
simple yet complex.
And yes, I already know that I think too much.

trust me, i'm glad you think. Seeing posts like these is what keeps me writing,. and the fact that you gave me some constructive criticism helped.

Where do i hide these? I don;t know. I just pulled this one out of my a$$ for the august poem of the month, but i already won july, so i asked for it to be moved here.