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Thread: Life love (short verse)

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    Life love (short verse)

    Till' i come down in pain that goes with vein i realease trust over you

    Till' i go towards you i fall upon your glistening eyes that wonders in heaven

    I go forth into calling your name and give you warmth of love that pursues me

    I go forth into graving my love into your heart for caring each other for life.

    Magic intervenes when there is love in first sight.
    |アスタロス|

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    Re: Life love (short verse)

    Wow short be very meaningfull.Very good job.It really showed a lot of emotion.

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    Smile Re: Life love (short verse)

    wow...it's short and sweet, and i agree with the one above me....alot of emotion is shown I'd like to hear more of your poems ^^

    -zainab

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    Re: Life love (short verse)

    looks to me like you're trying way too hard to make it sound fancy. some of the words are jumbled and don't fit well with the rythm of the poem at all. the emotion is there, but like i said, to me it feels you're trying to impress someone instead of writing it for yourself.

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    Re: Life love (short verse)

    Quote Originally Posted by zyta View Post
    looks to me like you're trying way too hard to make it sound fancy. some of the words are jumbled and don't fit well with the rythm of the poem at all. the emotion is there, but like i said, to me it feels you're trying to impress someone instead of writing it for yourself.
    in this poem i did not write it for myself i simply needed to write it out on this emotion and it all came out how i wanted but seriously i did not needed to impress somebody this poem is how fantasizing about a short life loving comotion would be so yeah sorry about that.

    Magic intervenes when there is love in first sight.
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    Re: Life love (short verse)

    agree with others... this is short but very meaningful ^^ keep up the good work..

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