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Thread: Life's No Fairy Tale

  1. #1
    Thanks for the memories princesslady may be famous one day princesslady may be famous one day princesslady's Avatar
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    Life's No Fairy Tale

    I'm not your ordinary girl
    Not living in an extrodinary world
    Life isn't all lavish and glam
    Not everything falls in the palm of your hands

    Got kicked out my house several times
    started a life of sex, drugs, and crime
    Gave my innocence to a thirty year old man
    who's name I didn't even know
    Found comfort in the one place I called my home.
    It was decorated with cheetah prints all around
    adorned with many females not daring to make a sound
    Worked for him for awhile, selling my new found woman hood and cutting him half.
    Made perfect since to me since It was all that was valuable that I had.

    Started to smoke that cush.
    Got me high a few times I admit.
    Had that certain thing I was looking for.
    Had that rush.
    I had the chance to escape my pain
    Go off to another world
    Transform to a woman from a little naive girl.
    I felt important, Felt wanted and needed.
    For once in my short life, I felt as if I wasn't going to be cheated.

    Eventually things got heated and the abuse came.
    He wanted more from me
    He wanted me to get more street fame.
    I didn't want to be another one
    another one of his hoes
    another one of his bit*es
    not another scattered across the floor.

    So I ran, ran as fast as my blistering feet could take me
    Away from it all
    Away from the misery.
    Eventually I went back home, lived pretty decent life up till now.
    Left my mommas house
    Got kicked out.

    She called me fast, said I was a hoe.
    She has no right to judge me
    She doesn't know me anymore.
    That woman has no idea how messed up these past years have been to me.
    I went from sleeping comfortably
    to relying on the streets.

    Now I live alone
    with no one but my bear and notebook
    It holds my secrets
    For no one but me to look

    If I open it, my life spills from its pages.
    Most things said unheard
    Most things unheard...already said

    The type of things most familys talk about at family meetings.
    Where they work out their differences
    Not mine.
    We don't even give each other greetings.

    I'm an outcast to them. The disgrace.
    The one grandchild who seems to dishonor her entire race.
    They think just because I conceived but never delivered I'm a whore.
    They don't know what It was like sleping around just to get by
    Like your some kind of common whore.

    Holdays are the worst times of the year
    My family keeps to them selves.
    No merry holiday songs.
    No happy holiday cheer.

    Just occasional calls that last less than two seconds
    Just a hi and bye
    I don't even recieve one.
    But that is to be expected.

    So here I am explaining half my teenage years unto people I don't know
    Mot people prefer to keep it locked up inside
    Most people prefer for it to stay private

    But I finally relaized that my story needs to be shared.
    Shared to let every naive little dream land person know
    Life isn't always a fairy tale

    Born to rule, raised to lead, taught to establish: The African Queen

  2. #2
    I'm sleepy... Jukebox Hero Champion, Word Up Champion, Word Craze Champion gren may be famous one day gren may be famous one day gren's Avatar
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    Re: Life's No Fairy Tale

    If this is truly your life experience, it is indeed a powerful and tragic piece of work. And the message comes out loud and clear...that there is no Prince Charming, no happy ending for you.

    Having said that, I'll also say that as a poem, you need to decide on a direction for it. You start the first stanza with a sort of rhyme, and then used rhyme haphazardly or not at all in the following stanzas. I'm guessing this was something you wrote on the fly, just a rush of emotion and thought coming out all at once. But remember that even the most emotional poems, the ones deepest and most identified with, have some sort of structure. It's not a crime to edit your poem several times before it's perfected; I don't know that any of the greatest poets ever wrote something as personal as this and had it come out perfectly on the first try. And it's okay to put your thoughts down on paper and want to keep them as is, but that's more suited for a journal entry than a bona fide poem. You have so much depth and so much to say; you could be a poet to rival any if you force yourself to stay within a structure, even if you make that structure up yourself. Also, watch your spelling.

    Now I live alone
    with no one but my bear and notebook
    It holds my secrets
    For no one but me to look
    I love this line, especially "my bear"; it really hits home the point of you being just a child.
    Last edited by gren; Nov 24, 2007 at 10:36 AM.
    sig by Pyro Psycho

  3. #3
    Femmebot Rehab Colt Crouse Champion, Bookworm Champion, Hangman Champion, Connect 2 Champion Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows's Avatar
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    Re: Life's No Fairy Tale

    "If I open it, my life spills from its pages.
    Most things said unheard
    Most things unheard...already said"

    Damn.... This portion stood out. I feel this way about life, like Im shouting my world to the people I need to hear me the most..... But get only a deaf ear.

    As far as poetry, I thought this was one of your best. You either do the funny ones, that are sarcastic. Or you make statements, and tell powerful stories in your work. I can appreciate that.

    Also, I liked the skattered rhyming. It seemed more like spoken word to me.

    The only thing I thought needed work, was that there seemed like there were some uneeded statements. I thought that the Idea of "whore" was over emphasized. You made the idea of prostitution known early on in the poem.. and after a while it seemed to get repetitive. You even used the word "whore" twice in one stanza, and it seemed like writing overkill. I promise, you definately made the point strongly enough early on... well written too. So, give that portion more luster by not overworking it the rest of the way.

    Much love to you Princess. Happy Holidays and all that Jazz.
    ... Not Ever Again...

  4. #4
    Thanks for the memories princesslady may be famous one day princesslady may be famous one day princesslady's Avatar
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    Re: Life's No Fairy Tale

    Thanks peach and gren.
    It was a spur of the moment thing.
    Just felt like writing

    Born to rule, raised to lead, taught to establish: The African Queen

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