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Thread: live or not

  1. #1
    Otaku Dark wolf may be famous one day Dark wolf may be famous one day Dark wolf's Avatar
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    live or not

    did you always wanted to live forever
    never again to have a short life
    so you can never die ever
    only way to end you is by a knife

    you want everyone to think your a god
    will it make you very powerful
    doesnt it make you feel so odd
    that it can actually twist your inner skull

    its obviously messing with your mind
    it'll never let you have to think
    maybe you left it, you'll have of what you find
    even if all blood inside you sink

    the very solid heart shatters
    breaks it all into pieces
    but what does it matter
    will I able to believe in Jesus
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  2. #2
    Otaku nightboyz may be famous one day nightboyz may be famous one day nightboyz's Avatar
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    Re: live or not

    Not bad, I like the way its like one big question. hope to read more.
    Kamen Rider....DECADE!!!

  3. #3
    Otaku Basketball Champion Shippo101 has disabled reputation Shippo101's Avatar
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    Re: live or not

    wow that was awesome, you really exclaimed the feeling it had to it. (^_^)
    Shippo is determined to become a lvl higher
    I'm a solider of Pen and Paper!
    <3 Atomik_Sprout <3

  4. #4
    super effective Last Man Standing Champion FLawEdmiNd may be famous one day FLawEdmiNd may be famous one day FLawEdmiNd's Avatar
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    Re: live or not

    If you had someone go in and move some words around it would make a pretty good poem... I liked reading this, well mostly... it just would have chived better with me if you changed a few words to... synonyms? Aside from that it's good, keep writing.
    the love you withhold is the pain you carry.

  5. #5
    Otaku Dark wolf may be famous one day Dark wolf may be famous one day Dark wolf's Avatar
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    Re: live or not

    thank you for comments and thanks for the tip i'll try and do that
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