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Thread: Look at me..

  1. #1
    Àddïctëd tø |ăüghïñg :) Sonny Sunshine Champion, Volcano Champion, Aquarium Sprengischen Champion, Spiderman Web of Words Champion, Look Alive Champion iluvmyloser is off to a good start iluvmyloser's Avatar
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    Look at me..

    Sweet,Bad,Nice,Mean
    All of these can show this scene.
    A girl who has a simple crush
    This boy controls her, makes her blush.

    His spiky hair,
    those gorgeous eyes.
    It seems to me ,
    like it's all lies.

    Does he notice me in the hall?
    Or am I just like that plain white wall.
    My heart beats fast, Can hardly breathe
    He stops my actions and makes me dream.

    I think I have a simple sign
    of a note that says "Be mine".
    Was it a mistake, or was it for me
    I hope it wasn't for the girl with locker # 673.

    On the bottom it says my name.
    I run for joy to tell my friends
    He says hi in the hallway
    I say hello and nearly faint.

    A girl shows up, I wonder what she wants.
    "Hand off him, he was my only one"
    Those words were clear, My face turned red.
    Should I listen or just pretend?

    "I don't care, That's why he is your ex"
    "Those lies and tears, where just pretend"
    "He doesn't want you, he wants me"
    "Get over it, can't you see?"

    ----------------
    Books can give you learning and be very inspirational lol.
    Yeah, Bye.

  2. #2
    Otaku DemonicKagomeTahoshi is off to a good start DemonicKagomeTahoshi's Avatar
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    Re: Look at me..

    wow, that's really impressive, how did you come up with it?

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to DemonicKagomeTahoshi For This Useful Post:

    iluvmyloser (Oct 26, 2008)

  4. #3
    Àddïctëd tø |ăüghïñg :) Sonny Sunshine Champion, Volcano Champion, Aquarium Sprengischen Champion, Spiderman Web of Words Champion, Look Alive Champion iluvmyloser is off to a good start iluvmyloser's Avatar
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    Re: Look at me..

    Thank you. ^^ I don't know. I have very mixed feelings. Ask my friends. I can express them very well.
    Yeah, Bye.

  5. #4
    Otaku Just Pitching Champion, Mile High Club Champion, Penguin Dive Champion, Gold Strike Champion Darkened_Star may be famous one day Darkened_Star may be famous one day Darkened_Star's Avatar
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    Re: Look at me..

    Though very simple, it is very expressive. It flows decently as well. I think any sort of work can be improved, and in this case, to make it flow better (old poems I've wrote always need improving). XD It's cute and simple with tons of expression which makes it very enjoyable. ^^ It was a nice read.

    Teenage girls fighting over a boy... I miss those days, NOT!

    Come dance in the rain with me, no one is watching.

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    iluvmyloser (Oct 27, 2008)

  7. #5
    Fallen Angel of Darkness mangalovertje may be famous one day mangalovertje may be famous one day mangalovertje's Avatar
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    Re: Look at me..

    Wow..That was..Well great...
    I can't really say but...
    It just told so much feelings in it..
    Yet just simple..
    Great work..!!
    I hope to read more from you..^_^
    We are affraid of losing controle...But why should you be affraid of losing it...While you didnt have it...

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    iluvmyloser (Oct 27, 2008)

  9. #6
    Fallen Angel PhoenixSara may be famous one day PhoenixSara's Avatar
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    Re: Look at me..

    me likey princess iluv lols..... the poem is good well built. anticipation is good.
    "In your arms is where i will be, I love you till my forever ends."
    Clan Rainstorm 2nd Company, Kunoichi Leader
    PhoenixSara FB / Click Me IMVU/Atlantis RPG/Rules and FAQ/MY BLOG /

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    iluvmyloser (Oct 31, 2008)

  11. #7
    Àddïctëd tø |ăüghïñg :) Sonny Sunshine Champion, Volcano Champion, Aquarium Sprengischen Champion, Spiderman Web of Words Champion, Look Alive Champion iluvmyloser is off to a good start iluvmyloser's Avatar
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    Re: Look at me..

    Darkened Star- Thank you. You don't know how much I have tried to make my poems better and good flowing. Thanks. ^^

    mangalovertje- Thank you again. I have not written a poem in like..[[FOREVER]] dude. ^^ Gracias.

    phoenixsara- Turtle dear. You're poems are wayyyyy better. I don't know what you;re talking about but thank you anyway! ^^

    In all means thank you to all who said AWESOME poem or something similar. And thanks to those who read it but didn't want to criticize or comment. Still appreciate it. You guys are like totally radical.<--Yes, I'm going old school dude! B-)
    Yeah, Bye.

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