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Thread: Losing faith

  1. #1
    Otaku Stickicide 2 Champion starfire1036 is making a name for themselves starfire1036 is making a name for themselves starfire1036's Avatar
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    Losing faith

    Being here. Living life. Full of fear. Losing time...

    Seeing you. Missing her. Loving you. We never were...

    Feeling confused. What am I? Feeling used. Why even try?

    What is this? Are you true. Sealed with a kiss? I have no clue...

    Where did she go? The you that once was. Only you can know. Just a mind of fuzz....

    I miss her. I love you. Being without her. Is being without you...

    One in the same. Beautiful but not. Feeling of shame. To death shame and rot...

    You are so me. Wonderful and proud. Being of greed. Lustful shroud...

    You are so different. Like love of no other. Quiet and patient. But why even bother...

    To lose you not. That I will never do. Let my soul rot. If I've lost you...

    Stay, just for a while. Pray, or just follow. Run, and never look back. Focus... stay on the right track...

    Be... Just be you. Open your eyes and see, I'm the one waiting for you....
    Last edited by starfire1036; Mar 10, 2008 at 01:00 PM.

  2. #2
    Mathematical!! Bugz Champion, Ant Bully Champion, Chainsaw the childern Champion, 3D Net Blazer Champion, Cricket Challenge Champion, Big Uglies Champion, Body Check Champion, Desktop Fishing Champion, All Star Skate Park Champion, Chuckie Egg Champion, Birdy Champion, Anthrax Jelly Champion, Air Typer Champion, Word Pads Champion, Crash Test Dummy Curling Champion, The Mini Jump Game Champion, Chairlift Challenge Champion, Astroboy vs One Bad Storm Champion, Fight Man Champion, Blot In Hell Champion, Beeku Adventure Champion, Connect2 Champion, Atomica Champion, Cannonball Follies 2 Champion, Bada Boing Champion, BeachDefence Champion, Alkie Kong 2 Champion atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout's Avatar
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    Re: Losing faith

    This poem would be so much better if it was written without so many elipses. Y'know these "...."? Otherwise, it wasn't half bad. It's just the structure that I have a problem with.

    (happy?)


  3. #3
    Otaku Stickicide 2 Champion starfire1036 is making a name for themselves starfire1036 is making a name for themselves starfire1036's Avatar
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    Re: Losing faith

    Quote Originally Posted by atomik_sprout View Post
    This poem would be so much better if it was written without so many elipses. Y'know these "...."? Otherwise, it wasn't half bad. It's just the structure that I have a problem with.

    (happy?)
    well
    i posted it on myspace first
    and i just took it from there right to here
    the ... are to shot whee it goes from line to line ya know...
    like the
    [...]
    [...]
    [...]
    [...]

    [...]
    yea
    it was for my gf

  4. #4
    Mathematical!! Bugz Champion, Ant Bully Champion, Chainsaw the childern Champion, 3D Net Blazer Champion, Cricket Challenge Champion, Big Uglies Champion, Body Check Champion, Desktop Fishing Champion, All Star Skate Park Champion, Chuckie Egg Champion, Birdy Champion, Anthrax Jelly Champion, Air Typer Champion, Word Pads Champion, Crash Test Dummy Curling Champion, The Mini Jump Game Champion, Chairlift Challenge Champion, Astroboy vs One Bad Storm Champion, Fight Man Champion, Blot In Hell Champion, Beeku Adventure Champion, Connect2 Champion, Atomica Champion, Cannonball Follies 2 Champion, Bada Boing Champion, BeachDefence Champion, Alkie Kong 2 Champion atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout's Avatar
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    Re: Losing faith

    Quote Originally Posted by starfire1036 View Post
    well
    i posted it on myspace first
    and i just took it from there right to here
    the ... are to shot whee it goes from line to line ya know...
    like the
    [...]
    [...]
    [...]
    [...]

    [...]
    yea
    it was for my gf
    Ellipses aren't meant for line breaks. That's what the enter/return key is for. Ellipses are meant for pauses. That's why I said it throws off the entire structure of the poem. It's like a person who speaks with long pauses due to breathing problems or obesity.


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    Re: Losing faith

    Quote Originally Posted by atomik_sprout View Post
    Ellipses aren't meant for line breaks. That's what the enter/return key is for. Ellipses are meant for pauses. That's why I said it throws off the entire structure of the poem. It's like a person who speaks with long pauses due to breathing problems or obesity.
    Well, when you
    are reading from
    line to line doesn't
    your mind pause
    for a moment because
    your eye has to move
    to the next
    line to continue reading?

    So its the same thing isn't it?
    --//Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained\\--

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    starfire1036 (Mar 12, 2008)

  7. #6
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    Re: Losing faith

    Quote Originally Posted by FallenSpiral View Post
    Well, when you
    are reading from
    line to line doesn't
    your mind pause
    for a moment because
    your eye has to move
    to the next
    line to continue reading?

    So its the same thing isn't it?
    Actually, no, it's not. If that were the case, we'd all be taking quite a while to read books. There's a difference between a pause and a line break. Line breaks are just simple formatting--y'know; makin' the text look pretty on paper--and elipses are pauses in speech/text.

    For example:
    "Can I borrow a dollar?" Reply#1: "Hmm, NO!" Reply#2: "Hmm... NO!"

    Which one actually looks like the person who responded actually put thought in to his/her decision? Which one would you think has a pause in it? It's all about grammar, my friend.


  8. #7
    Otaku Stickicide 2 Champion starfire1036 is making a name for themselves starfire1036 is making a name for themselves starfire1036's Avatar
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    Re: Losing faith

    Quote Originally Posted by atomik_sprout View Post
    Actually, no, it's not. If that were the case, we'd all be taking quite a while to read books. There's a difference between a pause and a line break. Line breaks are just simple formatting--y'know; makin' the text look pretty on paper--and elipses are pauses in speech/text.

    For example:
    "Can I borrow a dollar?" Reply#1: "Hmm, NO!" Reply#2: "Hmm... NO!"

    Which one actually looks like the person who responded actually put thought in to his/her decision? Which one would you think has a pause in it? It's all about grammar, my friend.

    AH STOP FIGHTING OK!!!!
    it doesnt matter!!!!!
    jeeze and actually the [...] means a continuence!

  9. #8
    Mathematical!! Bugz Champion, Ant Bully Champion, Chainsaw the childern Champion, 3D Net Blazer Champion, Cricket Challenge Champion, Big Uglies Champion, Body Check Champion, Desktop Fishing Champion, All Star Skate Park Champion, Chuckie Egg Champion, Birdy Champion, Anthrax Jelly Champion, Air Typer Champion, Word Pads Champion, Crash Test Dummy Curling Champion, The Mini Jump Game Champion, Chairlift Challenge Champion, Astroboy vs One Bad Storm Champion, Fight Man Champion, Blot In Hell Champion, Beeku Adventure Champion, Connect2 Champion, Atomica Champion, Cannonball Follies 2 Champion, Bada Boing Champion, BeachDefence Champion, Alkie Kong 2 Champion atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout's Avatar
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    Re: Losing faith

    Quote Originally Posted by starfire1036 View Post
    AH STOP FIGHTING OK!!!!
    it doesnt matter!!!!!
    jeeze and actually the [...] means a continuence!
    Hey, nobody's fighting. I was simply trying to point something out to you and was horribly corrected. Just stating fact is all, nothing more, nothing less. And once again: Wrong, you are. Trust me, I've been studying grammar for quite some time now. It's the one thing I KNOW I'm right about.


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