Losing faith

starfire1036 · Mar 02, 2008, 01:02 PM

Being here. Living life. Full of fear. Losing time...

Seeing you. Missing her. Loving you. We never were...

Feeling confused. What am I? Feeling used. Why even try?

What is this? Are you true. Sealed with a kiss? I have no clue...

Where did she go? The you that once was. Only you can know. Just a mind of fuzz....

I miss her. I love you. Being without her. Is being without you...

One in the same. Beautiful but not. Feeling of shame. To death shame and rot...

You are so me. Wonderful and proud. Being of greed. Lustful shroud...

You are so different. Like love of no other. Quiet and patient. But why even bother...

To lose you not. That I will never do. Let my soul rot. If I've lost you...

Stay, just for a while. Pray, or just follow. Run, and never look back. Focus... stay on the right track...

Be... Just be you. Open your eyes and see, I'm the one waiting for you....

*atomik_sprout* · Mar 07, 2008, 07:19 PM

This poem would be so much better if it was written without so many elipses. Y'know these "...."? Otherwise, it wasn't half bad. It's just the structure that I have a problem with.

(happy?)

starfire1036 · Mar 07, 2008, 08:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atomik_sprout

This poem would be so much better if it was written without so many elipses. Y'know these "...."? Otherwise, it wasn't half bad. It's just the structure that I have a problem with.

(happy?)

well
i posted it on myspace first
and i just took it from there right to here
the ... are to shot whee it goes from line to line ya know...
like the
[...]
[...]
[...]
[...]

[...]
yea
it was for my gf

*atomik_sprout* · Mar 10, 2008, 11:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by starfire1036

well
i posted it on myspace first
and i just took it from there right to here
the ... are to shot whee it goes from line to line ya know...
like the
[...]
[...]
[...]
[...]

[...]
yea
it was for my gf

Ellipses aren't meant for line breaks. That's what the enter/return key is for. Ellipses are meant for pauses. That's why I said it throws off the entire structure of the poem. It's like a person who speaks with long pauses due to breathing problems or obesity.

FallenSpiral · Mar 10, 2008, 11:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atomik_sprout

Ellipses aren't meant for line breaks. That's what the enter/return key is for. Ellipses are meant for pauses. That's why I said it throws off the entire structure of the poem. It's like a person who speaks with long pauses due to breathing problems or obesity.

Well, when you
are reading from
line to line doesn't
your mind pause
for a moment because
your eye has to move
to the next
line to continue reading?

So its the same thing isn't it?

*atomik_sprout* · Mar 10, 2008, 12:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FallenSpiral

Well, when you
are reading from
line to line doesn't
your mind pause
for a moment because
your eye has to move
to the next
line to continue reading?

So its the same thing isn't it?

Actually, no, it's not. If that were the case, we'd all be taking quite a while to read books. There's a difference between a pause and a line break. Line breaks are just simple formatting--y'know; makin' the text look pretty on paper--and elipses are pauses in speech/text.

For example: "Can I borrow a dollar?" Reply#1: "Hmm, NO!" Reply#2: "Hmm... NO!"

Which one actually looks like the person who responded actually put thought in to his/her decision? Which one would you think has a pause in it? It's all about grammar, my friend.

starfire1036 · Mar 10, 2008, 12:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atomik_sprout

Actually, no, it's not. If that were the case, we'd all be taking quite a while to read books. There's a difference between a pause and a line break. Line breaks are just simple formatting--y'know; makin' the text look pretty on paper--and elipses are pauses in speech/text.

For example: "Can I borrow a dollar?" Reply#1: "Hmm, NO!" Reply#2: "Hmm... NO!"

Which one actually looks like the person who responded actually put thought in to his/her decision? Which one would you think has a pause in it? It's all about grammar, my friend.

AH STOP FIGHTING OK!!!!
it doesnt matter!!!!!
jeeze and actually the [...] means a continuence!

*atomik_sprout* · Mar 10, 2008, 01:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by starfire1036

AH STOP FIGHTING OK!!!!
it doesnt matter!!!!!
jeeze and actually the [...] means a continuence!

Hey, nobody's fighting. I was simply trying to point something out to you and was horribly corrected. Just stating fact is all, nothing more, nothing less. And once again: Wrong, you are. Trust me, I've been studying grammar for quite some time now. It's the one thing I KNOW I'm right about.

FallenSpiral · Mar 10, 2008, 01:48 PM

I'm sorry, I didn't want to make it seem like it was fighting. I just tend to like to show a different view on things; ha-ha! As one of my other profiles somewhere on the internet... "I'm the guy that's always smiling."

starfire1036 · Mar 11, 2008, 02:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FallenSpiral

I'm sorry, I didn't want to make it seem like it was fighting. I just tend to like to show a different view on things; ha-ha! As one of my other profiles somewhere on the internet... "I'm the guy that's always smiling."

well i found ur view to be a very god point
and yes you are right
u do have to pause to go from line to line
there for inserting a pause in a poem where the line breaks do not happen is the right thing to do

amatsubu · Mar 11, 2008, 03:04 PM

ooh I really loved it, you said it was for your gf right I hoped she liked it i would have, it's so pretty!

Mar 02, 2008, 01:02 PM	#1 (permalink)
starfire1036 Diamond in the Rough Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 156 Thanks: 40 Thanked 5 Times in 5 Posts Credits: 6,318	Losing faith Being here. Living life. Full of fear. Losing time... Seeing you. Missing her. Loving you. We never were... Feeling confused. What am I? Feeling used. Why even try? What is this? Are you true. Sealed with a kiss? I have no clue... Where did she go? The you that once was. Only you can know. Just a mind of fuzz.... I miss her. I love you. Being without her. Is being without you... One in the same. Beautiful but not. Feeling of shame. To death shame and rot... You are so me. Wonderful and proud. Being of greed. Lustful shroud... You are so different. Like love of no other. Quiet and patient. But why even bother... To lose you not. That I will never do. Let my soul rot. If I've lost you... Stay, just for a while. Pray, or just follow. Run, and never look back. Focus... stay on the right track... Be... Just be you. Open your eyes and see, I'm the one waiting for you.... Last edited by starfire1036; Mar 10, 2008 at 01:00 PM.
Status: Offline

Mar 07, 2008, 07:19 PM	#2 (permalink)
atomik_sprout Ramen Addict Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Minneapolis, MN Posts: 2,028 Thanks: 43 Thanked 55 Times in 51 Posts Credits: 85,184	Re: Losing faith This poem would be so much better if it was written without so many elipses. Y'know these "...."? Otherwise, it wasn't half bad. It's just the structure that I have a problem with. (happy?) __________________ Kickin' it like a soccer player!
Status: Offline

Mar 10, 2008, 01:48 PM	#9 (permalink)
FallenSpiral Diamond in the Rough Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Mena, Arkansas Posts: 97 Thanks: 3 Thanked 7 Times in 7 Posts Credits: 2,837	Re: Losing faith I'm sorry, I didn't want to make it seem like it was fighting. I just tend to like to show a different view on things; ha-ha! As one of my other profiles somewhere on the internet... "I'm the guy that's always smiling." __________________ --//Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained\\--
Status: Offline

Mar 11, 2008, 03:04 PM	#11 (permalink)
amatsubu Newbie Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: In the most corrupt, and scheming boarding school ever...cause my parents hate me v.v Posts: 76 Thanks: 0 Thanked 5 Times in 5 Posts Credits: 2,173	Re: Losing faith ooh I really loved it, you said it was for your gf right I hoped she liked it i would have, it's so pretty!
Status: Offline

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