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Thread: Lost and alone.

  1. #1
    Devoted Otaku bratling may be famous one day bratling's Avatar
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    Lost and alone.

    A heart and a head so heavy n' alone.
    I feel so lost and I just want to go home.
    Wandering out here in the dark cold night,
    I wish someone would help me out,
    Offer me a light.
    A light so that I could see,
    Just where I need to be.
    Where I can lay my head and be safe.
    I won't have to chase any phantom feelings
    Or deal with people I don't want to.
    A place to be alone, where I can be in charge,
    I don't have to bend or bow to anyone.
    The rules are my own, and I would be home.
    But right now? I'm still lost and alone.
    ---------------------
    I'm done for a while now. Just had to get that all out.
    Now if you'll excuse me....

    You never really loved me/You never really cared/It was all just a game to boost your ego/Those feelings never really there/ I'm filing emotional bankruptcy/My heart can take no more debt/Theres no more "money" there to spend. === Besides tee hee SHE loves me!

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    Re: Lost and alone.

    This was short, sweet and straight to the point. I really like how the first half of the poem rhymed. Although, once it stopped rhyming I did have to re-read it just to make sure I wasn't seeing things. It woulda been better, had the rhyming continued. But it wasn't bad! ^_^

    I wish someone would help me out,
    Offer me a light.
    A light so that I could see,
    Just where I need to be.


    I like that line. It reminds me alot of my own poetry. ^_^ You did very well on this one, Chan. Mad props!


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    Devoted Otaku bratling may be famous one day bratling's Avatar
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    Re: Lost and alone.

    It's really hard for me sometimes to continue to rhyme without killing my message, because I focus too much on the rhyming part and it limits my vocabulary so much, which in turn limits my abilities to put togather a good sentance. It reminded me alittle of your poetry too.

    You never really loved me/You never really cared/It was all just a game to boost your ego/Those feelings never really there/ I'm filing emotional bankruptcy/My heart can take no more debt/Theres no more "money" there to spend. === Besides tee hee SHE loves me!

  4. #4
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    Re: Lost and alone.

    Nicely done bratling however might I suggest using 4 lines for each of your stanzas? might make it easier to follow. anyways nice rithim and rhime. keep it up I hope to see more from you. (later of course)
    ナサン フォオツド
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