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Thread: lost pain

  1. #9
    Otaku Genma758 is off to a good start
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    Re: lost pain

    Quote Originally Posted by awesomeparty12 View Post
    poems don't have to rhyme as long as they are from the heart and please don't disrespect people on this site thank you
    I am Not serious about that He is my Brother and i was playing with him, I love him very much and to hurt him would hurt me aswell and to very honest with you i loved that poem Plz i didnt mean anything by it. And yes you are right poems dont have to ryme to be good. i was being very stupid and didnt mean what i said. But i take full responsability for the words of my voice. O apologize little brother.

  2. #10
    Otaku Skeleton Park Champion, The Streaker Champion Rabanastre is off to a good start
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    Re: lost pain

    that was a good poem which makes me wonder does my girlfriend love me and do i really love her there is no way to find out but still i keep wondering that question.
    His bell is tolling for you

    He wants you to come home

  3. #11
    Rawr~ :3 Boxteroid Champion, flyplane Champion, Home Run Champion, Bubbelfutsch Champion, Fire Fighter Champion, Brendans Soccer Champion, Movie Star Match-Up Champion, Total blackout Champion, Text Your Reflexes Champion, Scary movie Champion, Hulk Smash Up Champion, Star Wars Champion, Extreme Snowboarding Champion, Air Disc Champion, Action Fish Champion, A Game Of 3 Halves Champion, Battleball Champion, Hacky Sack Champion, FAD 2003 Champion, SQRL Golf Champion, Dr Yeckyl and Mr Ride Champion, Sky Glide Champion, Flyer Champion, Finnair Champion, Drachenjagd Champion, Canyon Glider Champion, City Surfing Champion, Action Driving Game Champion, Extreme Rowing Champion, Kardahdg Champion, Acceleracers Track Mod Champion, Final Test Champion, Du Wichtel Champion, Pedal Power Champion, Camera Killer 2 Champion, Bike Mania on ICE Champion, ATV Winter Challenge Champion, Caliber Dash Champion, Diesel and Death Champion, Snow Ride Champion, Camera Killer Champion, Pepsi Jet Ski Champion, Bumper Cars Championship Champion, Drifting Champion, Get A Grip Champion, Rooney on the Rampage Champion, Death To Ninja Champion, Kung Fu Hustle 2 Champion, Muay Thai Champion, Metal Arm FAWEGE Champion, Knife Champion, Classroom Fighter Champion, Nobuyuki Forces 3 Champion, Caddeva Champion, Sewer Dweller Champion, Angel Mart Champion, Snowy Champion, Bola Champion, Boiler Room Champion, Bobcat Champion, Amazon Quest Champion, Booty Champion, Five Errors Champion, Mind Your Marbles Champion, Angel Fruit Champion, Binggrae Champion, Candy Shoot Champion, Imperial tiles Champion, Himalayaya - Yeti Strikes Back Champion, Terrorist Attack Champion, Americas Army Champion, Special Operations Champion, Destroy the robots Champion, Cubicle Warfare Champion, Battle Field Champion, Weapons Dealer Champion, Army Copter Champion, Flat War Champion, Terrorist Alert Champion, Bully Basher Champion, Reaktor Champion, Bungee Rescue Champion, The Contraptor Champion, Boris Champion, Carling Cold Champion, Paddleball Champion RayMe is making a name for themselves RayMe is making a name for themselves RayMe's Avatar
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    Re: lost pain

    the lost pain is back again seeing me with my girlfriend
    i love her so and thats all i know but the pain returns again
    she says she loves me but doesn't write back what am i to do
    when your girl is like that the pain is my heart shattered and bruised
    for the one i love is nowhere yet someone to lose
    my heart does ache and my soul does weep
    for the one i love can now sleep
    First of all... don't forget thy grammar! Also the letters >.< you should at least let there be capital letter at the start of your sentences sorry if you are irritated by my comment but im passionate about grammar you see (though im still weak at my grammar compared to my girlfriend )

    Overall this is a good poem ^^ i'll give you that.. but it can get better

    For example this part :
    for the one i love is nowhere yet someone to lose
    my heart does ache and my soul does weep
    for the one i love can now sleep
    Now that was poetic.. but your sentences are a bit mixed up here and there throughout the poem >.< a bit confusing you see...

    I also recommend you to use methaphores ^^ would make it sound more... poetic i may say but keep up the good work anyways ^^
    Last edited by RayMe; Feb 17, 2009 at 01:56 AM.

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  4. #12
    Newbie little harz is off to a good start
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    Re: lost pain

    sucked dude. hhahaha yeah dud....^o^ huh....

  5. #13
    Otaku Robo Soccer Champion, Gorillaz Groove Session Champion blackrose92 is off to a good start blackrose92's Avatar
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    Re: lost pain

    it was a nice read ^^ i miss reading your poems^^ but the last line,my heart does ache and my soul does weep
    for the one i love can now sleep
    it seemed kinda choppy but other than that i liked it^^ ttyl
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  6. #14
    Newbie SelfTorment is off to a good start SelfTorment's Avatar
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    Re: lost pain

    I do like your poem but i agree with RayMe you need capital letters in the front of your sentences it is kinda hard to read but I like it.
    I did make me remember about my girlfriend which she leaving me but thats unavoidable.
    That is really my only problem with your poem.
    Good job on it. Just next time use a little better grammer on it.

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