Thread: lost pain

that was a good poem which makes me wonder does my girlfriend love me and do i really love her there is no way to find out but still i keep wondering that question.

the lost pain is back again seeing me with my girlfriend
i love her so and thats all i know but the pain returns again
she says she loves me but doesn't write back what am i to do
when your girl is like that the pain is my heart shattered and bruised
for the one i love is nowhere yet someone to lose
my heart does ache and my soul does weep
for the one i love can now sleep

First of all... don't forget thy grammar! Also the letters >.< you should at least let there be capital letter at the start of your sentences sorry if you are irritated by my comment but im passionate about grammar you see (though im still weak at my grammar compared to my girlfriend )

Overall this is a good poem ^^ i'll give you that.. but it can get better

For example this part :

for the one i love is nowhere yet someone to lose
my heart does ache and my soul does weep
for the one i love can now sleep

Now that was poetic.. but your sentences are a bit mixed up here and there throughout the poem >.< a bit confusing you see...

I also recommend you to use methaphores ^^ would make it sound more... poetic i may say but keep up the good work anyways ^^

sucked dude. hhahaha yeah dud....^o^ huh....

it was a nice read ^^ i miss reading your poems^^ but the last line,my heart does ache and my soul does weep
for the one i love can now sleep it seemed kinda choppy but other than that i liked it^^ ttyl

I do like your poem but i agree with RayMe you need capital letters in the front of your sentences it is kinda hard to read but I like it.
I did make me remember about my girlfriend which she leaving me but thats unavoidable.
That is really my only problem with your poem.
Good job on it. Just next time use a little better grammer on it.